When we can talk about our feelings, they become less scary.
The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” -Fred Rogers, aka Mister Rogers
Dealing with a Trauma
Written by Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
However young or old we are, there is one thing we humans all have in common -– we want to be happy. We want to feel positive emotions through experiencing happy times and happy events, and we want our life to be filled with happy memories. And life does give us plenty of opportunities to experience the happiness we seek. But experience also teaches us that life is like the weather– it has pleasant days and stormy days. And while some of the pleasant days mark our lives with memorable happy events, some of the stormy days can affect us and change us to the very core of our being.
Such stormy days can hit a person’s life at any age with harsh repercussions, but when they strike at a younger age, such as during the preteen or teenage years, the consequences can be particularly impactful and sometimes devastating. There are, of course, different kinds of stormy days that life will put on our path, but the kind of stormy days that will prove to have the most significant effects and long-lasting consequences are traumatic events.
As opposed to what you may think, traumatic events occurring during the preteen and teenage years, are far from rare. In fact, a recent scientific study shows that 61 percent of teens aged 13 to 17 have been exposed to at least one traumatic event in their lifetime, while 19 percent have experienced three or more of such events. Traumatic events during adolescence are unfortunately relatively common.
What about you? Have you ever experienced a traumatic event? You may be asking yourself “how can I be sure if I have?” which is an excellent question. To answer it, the first thing you need to know is how to define a traumatic event.
What is a Traumatic Event?
According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), a traumatic event is “when an event, or a series of events, causes a lot of stress. Traumatic events are marked by a sense of horror, helplessness, serious injury, or the threat of serious injury or death.” You should know that traumatic events are not associated only with physical harm. They can also cause emotional, psychological, or spiritual harm. The other important thing to know is that you can experience such harm and distress by being directly exposed to a traumatic event yourself. And you can become just as distressed if you witness the traumatic event when it is happening to another person, or if you learn that the traumatic event occurred to a close family member or a close friend.
The second thing that will help you figure out if you have ever experienced a traumatic event is to have a list of what is considered to be a traumatic event. Let’s now look at what you would find on such a list:
Such abuse can be perpetrated by a parent, community member, a family member, an intimate partner, a friend, classmate, or a stranger (i.e. bullying).
#2 Neglect
This refers to a failure on the part of an adult to provide for a child’s basic physical, medical, educational, and emotional needs.
#3 An unstable or unsafe environment
This can include lack of housing, food, medical care, unsafe sleeping, etc.
#4 Domestic violence
Occurs when a child is the recipient and/or the witness of physical, sexual, or psychological violence by someone in the victim’s domestic circle.
#5 Interpersonal violence or victimization
Occurs when someone is the victim of assault or rape, for example.
#6 Community violence
Refers to gang violence, riots, or school shootings.
#7 Natural disasters
This includes events such as tornadoes, hurricanes, or deadly or severe storms.
#8 Terrorist attacks
A surprise attack involving the deliberate use of violence against civilians in the hope of attaining political or religious aims
#9 Loss of a loved one
This occurs when someone is separated from a parent or is confronted with the sudden death of a parent, a sibling, or a close friend/ family member.
#10 Accidents or medical trauma
This includes severe injuries caused by a car accident, for example, or an accident associated with the practice of a sport, or dealing with a life-threatening illness.
#11 Divorce
This can also be considered a major life event and also can be traumatic for some.
#12 Racial Trauma / Race-based traumatic stress
This is the mental and emotional injury caused by encounters with racial bias and ethnic discrimination, racism, and hate crimes. It has been observed in numerous BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and people of color) communities and people of all ages, including young children.
Like it is the case for most situations in life, when it comes to traumatic events, each person will react differently to the trauma caused by such events. If you have experienced one or more traumatic events in your life, then you know that both the body and the mind are affected one way or another in varying degrees. Let’s now go over some of those reactions experienced by the body and the mind when confronted with a traumatic event.
It is well documented that the body may react by developing the following problems:
Aches and pains
Muscle tension
Fatigue
Agitation and edginess
Headaches
Nausea/ GI discomfort
Being startled easily
Racing heartbeat
Lethargy
Sleep disturbances – insomnia and nightmares
Difficulty concentrating or paying attention
Unexplained physical symptoms and increased medical problems such as allergies, skin problems, and auto-immune disorders
As for the mind, it can also be deeply affected by traumatic events in many ways, such as:
Shock, denial, and disbelief
Confusion, difficulty concentrating and/or learning new information
Difficulty in regulating emotions and in knowing and describing feelings and internal states
Social isolation and difficulty relating to others – mistrust
Anger, irritability, mood swings
Anxiety and fear
Guilt, shame, and self-blame
Feeling sad and hopeless
Feeling disconnected and numb
Low self-esteem and sense of self-worth
Intense fear that the traumatic event will recur (especially around the date of the anniversary when the event occurred)
Repeated memories of the event or flashbacks
Sustained avoidance of reminders of the events
Substance abuse to numb negative emotions
You should know and always remember that reacting to a traumatic event is a very normal response to a very abnormal situation. However, it’s important to be aware that such a response can become unhealthy if it lingers for too long and if it affects and interferes with everyday life. In some cases, the traumatic stress can be so intense that it triggers a condition known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Not all preteens and teenagers who have experienced a traumatic event will develop PTSD. However, the more severe the trauma, the higher the chances that they will experience PTSD symptoms. To read more about PTSD and signs to watch for visit BLOOM’s Trauma & PTSD article.
How to Cope with a Traumatic Event
There are quite a few things you can do to manage and cope with a traumatic event. What you are going to choose to do, however, depends mostly on whether you have developed PTSD symptoms or not.
Whether that is the case or not, the very first thing you need to do is: be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. After whatever it is that you’ve been through, the gentle way out of it is the answer, not the hard way. Trying to power through trauma may make things worse and delay considerably the moment when your body and your mind can truly start healing. Self-compassion and patience are essential, which means that the first thing you want to do is acknowledge what happened and the way you feel as a result.
If you are not experiencing PTSD symptoms, there are several things you can do to restore your emotional stability after a traumatic event:
Make a point of noticing if you’ve developed a tendency to avoid places, objects, and certain people that may remind you of the traumatic event you’ve been through. If that is the case, acknowledge that you do so and choose to stay engaged in activities you like and that will keep you grounded, such as working out, going out for a walk, or seeing your friends.
Spend time with the people you love and who care about you in order to avoid becoming withdrawn, even if you don’t feel up to it.
Talk about your experience with the people close to you and who you trust, or write down your feelings and thoughts in a daily journal.
Be patient and tolerant with yourself and recognize that there are things that are out of your control and that’s ok.
Take good care of yourself and of your body by keeping a healthy lifestyle, such as eating a balanced diet, working out regularly, and avoiding drugs or alcohol.
Do more of the things you like, pursue your hobbies or other interests that make you feel good about yourself and about life in general.
Learn about and practice mindfulness and meditation. These practices have a solid track record of helping people manage trauma.
Always keep in mind that there is nothing trivial about a traumatic event, and that the way you feel, if you’ve ever experienced one, is a very normal response to a very abnormal situation.
A traumatic event can never be erased and it will never be possible for you to pretend that it never happened. Nonetheless, with the right care and support, you will learn to manage it and live with it in a way that will build your mental strength and your resilience, two skills that will become major assets for you as you move on with your life.
