Navigating Negative Emotions

What is it?

It’s a sort of feeling or thought that something is not quite right, it feels off and just doesn’t feel good mentally or physically. It makes you feel unsettled and wanting to make it go away one way or the other. It’s unpleasant but it’s usually not intense.

What is it telling you?

It’s telling you something about how you are reacting to your present situation or thought process. It’s asking you to pay attention to what you are really feeling uncomfortable about. Is it boredom, embarrassment, or impatience?

How to manage it?

• Recognize it, acknowledge it, and name it.
• Rather than to avoid it or ignore it, open up to the possibility of learning something new about yourself from this experience.
• Embrace the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone – If you are able to be comfortable with feeling discomfort, then you can achieve almost anything.
• Learn to let go of your expectations.
• Identify where the discomfort is coming from and attempt to dissolve it by changing the situation or behavior especially if it is discomfort stemming from a negative situation

What is it?

It’s one of the fundamental human emotions we all experience when faced with the threat of harm either physical or emotional, real or imagined. Traditionally fear is regarded as a “negative emotion” but it actually serves an important role in keeping you safe.

What is it telling you?

Fear is alerting you of a potential and imminent threat. It’s telling you to focus and be ready to act in the face of danger, if that danger is real. If the threat is imagined, it’s telling you to reevaluate your perception and interpretation of a situation. Your learning to cope with the fear of an imagined threat is an invitation to grow as a human being.

How to manage it?

Pay close attention and evaluate if your fear is real or imagined by looking at the evidence. If it’s real, act on it now.

If it’s imagined:

• Before anything else – BREATHE! Breathe slowly and deeply several times to calm down both your body and your mind.
• Avoid avoidance. If you face your fear, it will lose its power over you and it will fade.
• Be kind to yourself as you would to a loved one going through a similar experience.
• Practice being OK with things being out of your control.
• Practice mindfulness and meditation. They are a very powerful tool to overcome fear and anxiety.

What is it?

The feeling of hurt is a form of emotional pain not caused by physical sources. It usually is the result of the actions or words of others that cause you emotional distress such as feeling unhappy, sad, or betrayed. Emotional pain should be taken seriously because it can have a significant impact on your mental health (e.g.., deep sorrow, depression, grief, negative emotions, shame, worthlessness), and your physical health (e.g. headaches, muscle pain, nausea, dizziness, stomachache, or gastrointestinal upset.)

What is it telling you?

Emotional pain invites you to explore its meaning and causes that are often associated with the actions or the words of people around you. Finding the meaning of your feeling of hurt will give you the motivation to consider or reconsider your relationship to certain people, to improve or let go of those relationships, and to heal to move toward a brighter future.

How to manage it?

• Don’t deny or fight your feeling of hurt. Face it and explore it. That’s how it will lose its power over you.
• Practice mindfulness that will give you the tools to develop your awareness so you can have better insight into the causes of your emotional pain.
• Talk to someone you trust and you know will understand you and support you.
• Find a form of physical exercise or activity you enjoy. It will improve your mood and help you deal with the feelings of emotional pain.

What is it?

Anger reveals a deep need for control when you feel you’re lacking control over what’s happening to you. It makes you feel in charge rather than helpless when you feel frustrated, invalidated or treated unfairly. It’s a natural and mostly automatic response to perceived threats. It has a survival value because it provides you with a perceived sense of control, but it can become a real problem if you don’t manage it in a healthy way. However, when well managed and expressed with sound judgment, anger can motivate you to solve problems, drive you toward your goals, and protect your values and beliefs.

What is it telling you?

It’s telling you that you are in a situation that makes you feel powerless and that you are converting your feelings of vulnerability and helplessness into feelings of control and power. Anger is often experienced as a way to avoid acknowledging the painful feelings associated with vulnerability.

How to manage it?

• Practice mindfulness and meditation. They both teach relaxation skills that will not only help you manage your anger but will also help you express it wisely and constructively.
• Practice thinking before you speak.
• Take a time out and breathe deeply.
• Get some exercise. Physical activity can help you reduce stress that causes you to become angry.
• Don’t hold a grudge. Forgiveness can go a very long way and will help you not get swallowed up by your own bitterness and resentment.

What is it?

Frustration is a common emotion that you surely encounter on a regular basis. It usually shows up in situations when you feel blocked from reaching a desired outcome. When you reach your goals, you feel pleased and excited, but when you are prevented from reaching them you tend to give in to frustration. You may feel irritable and sometimes even annoyed and angry. As experience may have taught you, the more important the goal, the greater the frustration.

What is it telling you?

Frustration is telling you that the efforts and actions you’re applying to a situation are not producing the results you think they should. Simply put, you are not getting what you want, and that’s very frustrating, indeed.

How to manage it?

• Practice mindfulness and meditation. These practices will teach you the following effective ways to manage your frustration:
• Step back and distance yourself from events.
• Feel the frustration, process it and let it go.
• Take some deep breaths, become calmer, and then take action.
• Assess if you need to accept a situation or if you can change it.
• You can learn to expand your frustration tolerance by participating in new activities that provide a “just right challenge”

What is it?

This emotion is often described as a form of sadness, accompanied by a feeling of loss that arises when there is a gap between your expectations and reality. You feel disappointed when your hope for something you wanted is being defeated. When it comes to disappointment, you probably noticed that the intensity of your disappointment depends on several factors: a. how important is the thing you wanted, b. how long you’ve been waiting for that thing, and c. how definitive is the outcome.

What is it telling you?

There is nothing pleasant about being disappointed, but if you’re open to it, this emotion can provide you with very important information about yourself, your beliefs, the people around you, and what does, or you think will, make you truly happy.

How to manage it?

• First and foremost, accept how you feel. Face your disappointment, process it and then let it fade gradually. Avoiding this emotion, like any other negative emotion, will only reinforce its power over you.
• Be humble and learn from it. This emotion will help you grow by giving you insight about yourself.
• Practice gratitude and refocus on what you have as opposed to what you didn’t get.
• Share your disappointment with a caring and trusted friend. They will give you the energy and motivation you need to move forward.
• Do yourself a favor and stop falling into the destructive comparison trap. The grass is definitely not always greener on the other side of the fence.

What is it?

Guilt is a powerful emotion experienced by all of us at one point or another. It’s often associated with a sense of responsibility and remorse when you are convinced that you caused harm either through your actions, your thoughts, or your spoken words. This emotion makes you feel like you’ve fallen short of some standard you wish you lived up to.

Although guilt is mostly regarded as being a negative emotion, it can also be seen in a more positive light.  It can motivate you to learn from painful experiences and change your behavior. However, it’s important to stay vigilant and aware of what’s going on so you don’t let guilt bring you down or impede your progress by paralyzing you. Once again, awareness is the key to finding that balance.

What is it telling you?

Well managed, the emotion of guilt is telling you that you did something wrong or hurtful and that you need to do something to make amends and repair a relationship that matters to you. It’s an invitation to grow as a person. On the other hand, if poorly handled, guilt will only cause you to feel badly about yourself for reasons that are not always legitimate.

How to manage it?

• Develop your awareness through the practice of mindfulness. It will help you put a name on your feelings and figure out whether your guilt is appropriate, and if it is, what purpose it serves.
• Take responsibility for your actions and apologize right away in an unconditional manner. Don’t try to shift blame onto other people. Being able to say, “I’m sorry,” takes courage and shows strength of character.
• Accept that you did something wrong, forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Don’t dwell on the past.
• Change your behavior and remember that guilt can strengthen your resilience, help you grow, and build your confidence that you’ll make better choices in the future.

What is it?

The emotion of inadequacy will show up in your life if you feel you are “too much” or “not enough” of something. As opposed to many other emotions, the sense of inadequacy is not innate. You acquire it through your life experiences and other types of emotions.

Always remember that the feeling that you are not “good enough,” whatever the reason, is not necessarily objective even if it feels like an absolute truth to you. It’s a subjective interpretation and a learned response that often finds its roots in your past experiences. It is the ultimate illustration of the saying “you are your own worst enemy.”

What is it telling you?

It is telling you that you are comparing yourself to others in a way that may be subjective, and, most of the time, completely distorted. It can also be telling you that someone in your life is making you feel inadequate by making hurtful or demeaning comments about you. The problem, in this case, is that the moment you buy into those comments, you are giving your personal power away to them, and that should always be avoided. Your personal power belongs in one place only and that is in your own hands.

How to manage it?

• Become fully aware of the situation when you feel inadequate. Explore it and ask yourself, “Am I being truly objective in my interpretation of this situation?”
• Spend plenty of time with positive, uplifting, and encouraging people. Distance yourself from people who bring you down.
• Devote yourself to activities you love and enjoy. Such activities will keep your mind occupied and focused on something that makes you feel good about yourself.
• Remind yourself of your strengths by making a list of them. It may seem difficult at first, but don’t give up after just a few minutes. Stick to it until you’ve listed at least 5 strengths. You’ll be surprised how, by the time you get to the 5th one, the 6th and the 7th one, and so on, will come to you a lot more easily than you may have thought they would.

What is it?

You may experience emotional overload/overwhelm when some of your emotions become so intense that you feel you can’t cope or manage them anymore. These emotions whose intensity builds over time may be caused by prolonged stress, adversity, or traumatic life experiences such as a life-threatening accident. As you are developing into an adult, there are a lot of changes and added expectations you will be dealing with. You may experience increased pressure at school with more work that seems harder, changing friendships and relationships, and hardships with family relations.

People who experience emotional overwhelm might see their ability to think and act rationally be significantly affected. They often have difficulties focusing on and performing daily tasks. They also tend to withdraw from their friends and family and experience feelings of intense grief that penetrate many areas of their life, such as their social life.

Emotional overload should not be ignored hoping it will go away on its own because, if left unaddressed, it can have serious repercussions. Not only can it affect your mental health, such as anxiety and depression, but it can also affect your physical health, such as persistent fatigue, loss of appetite, and sleep disturbances, just to name a few.

There are strategies and behaviors to coping that can be positive or negative.  For example, negative coping strategies can make stress worse as they are not sustainable and are temporary distractions.  On the other hand, positive coping responses keep the situation realistic and provide a more long-term solution to actively work toward solving and dealing with your problems.

So, if you ever experience emotional overwhelm, don’t dismiss it, be kind and generous to yourself, and reach out for help as soon as possible.

What is it telling you?

The message here is simple – you have a very, very full plate or you’ve been through some highly stressful event(s), and your mind has reached its limits when it comes to its ability to cope in an effective and healthy manner. It’s urgent for you to be very kind to yourself and to take good care of both your body and your mind.

How to manage it?

• First of all, breathe!  Your feelings are normal! Reach out for help and talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or family member who cares for you and who will know how to support you.
• Another great solution here is the practice of mindfulness. It works miracles when it comes to emotional overload. It will teach you effective and fast-acting relaxation techniques that will bring your mind and body to a place of calmness and awareness. You will also learn to identify your stress triggers more easily and how to manage them effectively.
• Meditate and then meditate some more! Meditation will help you learn how to redirect your thoughts at will, so you can choose to focus on positive and comforting thoughts that will help you manage your emotions and reduce your emotional stress.
• Consider if you can reduce some of the stressors in your life. Work with a trusted adult to be sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and getting physical activity and/or time in nature. This person can help you put in a plan in action to prioritize your commitments and determine what can be taken off your plate to reduce stress.
• Put into perspective what situations or tasks are temporary and how your life and stress may change as they pass.
• Ask for help.  You may be able to delegate some responsibility to avoid taking it all on yourself.

What is it?

Loneliness is an emotion experienced by all of us from time to time. Although each and every one of us experiences it differently and for different reasons, a well agreed upon description of it is the feeling that our needs for social contacts and meaningful relationships are not being met. Certain life events are well known for triggering a deep sense of loneliness, such as a break-up, the death of a loved one, moving to a new area, or going to college. However, if you’ve felt lonely before, you know very well that loneliness is not necessarily the same as being alone. Sometimes we are surrounded with plenty of people and yet we still feel lonely and isolated.

The problem is that when we are lonely we tend to feel empty, alone, and not wanted. We crave for meaningful social contacts but because of our state of mind, we can find it difficult to connect with other people. Loneliness is a painful emotion that shouldn’t be dismissed or overlooked because of the negative consequences it can have on your mental and physical health. These can include depression, anxiety, altered cognitive and brain functions, and substance use.

What is it telling you?

This emotion is telling you that your needs for closeness and belonging are not being met, and that your relationships are not emotionally fulfilling or are inadequate. Loneliness alerts you that it is time for you to take necessary action to cultivate relationships that are more in tune with who you truly are, or that it is time to let go of the pain associated with a loss such as a break-up. It is easier said than done, of course, but remember the Chinese proverb that says “A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step.” Whether you need to let go of a painful situation or meet new people, all you have to do is choose to take that first step. You might be surprised how easily the next steps will follow.

How to manage it?

• Spend more quality time with those you love and who are already in your life.
• Take the first step to meet people who share your values, interests, and attitudes. Join a group of people who practice an activity that resonates with who you are such as photography, art, sports, or volunteering. Remember that quality is a lot better than quantity, and that just one or two close and caring friends are enough to repel loneliness and its negative impact on your health.
• Welcome the kindness of others. Keep an open heart and embrace the love people around you want to give you. Love is very healing and, if you let it, it will effortlessly shatter the walls loneliness has built around you.

What is it?

Anxiety is a very common emotion that we all experience at some point in our life. It is characterized by an amplified and chronic state of tension and worry that may be caused by either a specific situation or no apparent reason. If you’ve experienced anxiety in the past, you may have noticed that it is often accompanied by different symptoms such as muscle tension, fatigue, headaches and nausea, but also irritability, difficulty concentrating, lack of energy, loss of motivation, and sometimes  depression. It’s important, however, to understand that anxiety is also at the heart of an adaptive and protective system all humans benefit from. It alerts you of and protects you from future potential threats in your environment and helps you mobilize your resources to face such threats. Problems arise when you experience excessive amounts of anxiety due to intense stress that overwhelms the adaptive function of this emotion, thus creating disruption in your life because your coping abilities are being overtaxed.

What is it telling you?

Remember that anxiety is a sort of alarm system that’s telling you something important is going on. Although it’s not a very pleasant emotion, it warns you of a potential danger and helps you respond to that danger. Getting rid of your ability to feel anxiety would be as problematic as losing your ability to feel pain. It would make you physically and emotionally vulnerable. But too much of it will also cause you distress. It’s all about finding the right balance, as always.

How to manage it?

• Learn about and practice mindfulness. Breathe deeply, cultivate your awareness, and learn how to identify and manage your triggers.
• Meditate, meditate, and meditate some more! Learn to breathe, focus, restore inner peace, and let go of excess worry with the help of meditation.
• Don’t run away from anxiety. Write down your thoughts and what makes you anxious. Let those thoughts out of your head and let them dissipate.
• Adopt a healthy lifestyle. Take good care of your body and your mind with good sleep, exercise, and eating habits.
• Spend more time with positive and uplifting people who make you feel good.

What is it?

Sadness is one of the seven universal emotions described by Darwin in 1872 and experienced by all human beings. This emotion is very much associated with grief, a sense of loss, and the wish that things could be different and better. The causes of sadness can vary and often result in the loss of hopes, dreams, or expectations. This sense of loss and grief may be mild, strong, or anywhere in between. It can come and go without warning. At times, it may make you feel tearful, empty or hopeless, and cause you to feel irritable or frustrated over the smallest things. In and of itself, the emotion of sadness is completely normal and is part of our human condition. But when it becomes too frequent or overwhelming, it is essential to find ways to restore balance and inner peace.

What is it telling you?

Although sadness is regarded as a negative emotion, it serves the important purpose of alerting you that you need to receive help, support, and comfort. It should never be ignored or dismissed since sometimes it may be a symptom of depression or an anxiety disorder. When feelings of sadness become too strong, reaching out for help and practicing self-care should become a priority for you.

How to manage it?

• Discover the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. It will sharpen your awareness and help you identify how you feel and why. Knowing your emotions is knowing yourself, and such knowledge will lead you to self-acceptance and self-compassion.
• Develop your mental strength. It will help your capacity for resilience to grow and expand. Mental strength is a great asset in the face of adversity.
• Learn through mindfulness how to transform negative thoughts into more positive and constructive ones.
• Get the support you need. Talk to people you trust and love. They will give you the courage and motivation to overcome your grief and sense of loss.
• Uplift your mood by engaging in activities that make you feel good. Seek the company of positive, optimistic, and caring people.

What is it?

If you have felt disconnected or withdrawn at some point in your life, you may have noticed that when you feel that way you are not able to fully engage with or relate to your own feelings or those of others. This means, for example, that it may be difficult for you to identify and name your own emotions, or that it’s hard for you to feel deep emotions toward someone you love, or that you’re just generally feeling “empty.” It can be a temporary state due to extreme stress, or a more lasting condition.

How do we get to feeling that way? One reason worth mentioning is that we live in a world of modern technology and innovation which, in appearance, promises us to stay more connected and informed than ever before. And yet, why do so many of us experience exactly the opposite? The unintended consequence of modern technology is that our interactions with others have become much like “drive-thru” experiences that lack depth, meaningfulness, and often compassion and kindness. Does this sound familiar? If so, it’s time to reconnect, NOW.

What is it telling you?

Feeling disconnected and withdrawn is alerting you that you may be losing your sense of self, and that you can’t connect to other people in a healthy and positive manner anymore. It’s telling you that you’ve become disconnected from your own life, going through it in an “automatic pilot” mode, as if you were observing it from the outside. Feeling disconnected may also be telling you that for any given reason, you are in a place where you don’t want to feel your emotions anymore in order to avoid emotional pain. This is called a defense mechanism. You don’t have to go through life this way, however. Trust that things can change and that you can feel again. It’s time to reconnect and love your life again.

How to manage it?

• Meditate and breathe. Learning to breathe deeply will restore control and peace in your life. It will make you feel grounded and will help you remember where you are and who you are.
• Stimulate your five senses. Give yourself permission to “feel” life through your sense of touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste. The results will surprise you.
• Face and reflect upon how you feel. This will help you connect back to yourself.
• Practice gratitude and rediscover the joy that can be found in the simple things in life. Focus on Love and Beauty, whether in nature or the people in your life, and realize that there’s so much to feel alive for.
• Adopt a healthy lifestyle (good sleep, exercise, and eating habits). Be kind to yourself, and fall in love with your life all over again.
• Join activities that bring you joy and meaning including art, volunteering, working, or sports.

What is it?

Feeling desperate is often associated with the feeling that the situation you’re in is so bad that nothing you can do will make it better, that all hope to reach your goals is lost, or that you can’t prevent something bad from happening. Desperation is often experienced together with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that make you feel cut off and disconnected from your friends and family. Your mind may feel clouded with negativity, you lack mental strength, motivation, and hope. You also may feel alone and unable to cope appropriately.

It is important to understand that the thoughts that fuel desperation are just that – thoughts. They are neither tangible nor real. They deceive you into thinking that they are the reflection of reality and that nothing can “save” you from feeling that way. That is simply not true.

What is it telling you?

The message here is that you are not in control of your thoughts.  Your thoughts are running the show and they’re dragging you down a spiral of negativity that seems endless. This perceived sense of powerlessness is alerting you that you are in a sort of disagreement with yourself. There is something you really want in your life, but your unconscious mind may be telling you stories about how you can’t have that valued thing.  Either because you are not good enough, or that you don’t deserve it, or because you’re never lucky anyway. Whatever the reason your mind comes up with, you and your thoughts are standing in your own way. You feel defeated from the get go, and therefore you see defeat as the only possible outcome.

How to manage it?

• Develop your awareness so you can easily identify feelings of desperation when they arise. Remember that you can only change the things you’re aware of. Awareness is key.
• Don’t let your feelings of desperation take over your life. Breathe and meditate to restore peace and quiet in your body and your mind. As long as there is chaos and loud chatter in your head, you will not be able to relax and have the clarity of mind necessary for you to be open for a solution to come to you, and recognize it when it does show up.
• Revive the spark of hope. Don’t ever give in to the fear that all hope is lost. There is always a way out of any situation. Hope brings inner peace and inner peace will empower and inspire you.

What is it?

According to Dr. Robin Stern, jealousy is an emotion a person feels when they are fearful of losing someone or a relationship that is important to them. When it comes to jealousy, the situation usually involves at least three main participants: 1. the person who is jealous, 2. the person or the thing they are afraid of losing, and 3. the person or persons they are jealous of because they represent a threat to whatever relationship is concerned. Jealousy is a negative emotion in and of itself, and it can easily snowball and lead to other negative emotions such as fear, distrust, or anger. Be vigilant.

What is it telling you?

Feeling jealous tells you that there is a part of you that requires your attention and some introspection. It’s also telling you that you need to work on a specific relationship or on some aspect of that relationship. Jealousy can also signal to you that you may be struggling with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, or with trust issues. No matter the situation, it should not be disregarded or ignored because, if left unaddressed, it can become toxic and breed fear of betrayal, distrust, and suspicion.  This can eventually cause irreparable damage to the most beautiful relationships.

How to manage it?

• Be fully aware of your feelings, breathe deeply and don’t give in to the temptation of acting on them impulsively.
• In the case of a love relationship, communicate with your partner. Be honest about your vulnerability and explain calmly and respectfully how you feel and why.
• Strengthen your sense of self-esteem and address your wounds that may be causing you to feel insecure.
• Trust your partner and, above all, trust and appreciate yourself and your unique value.

What is it?

Feelings of shame arise when you think other people know something about you that you don’t want them to know because it would reflect badly on you. The thing you don’t want people to know is usually something that is an integral part of you such as an aspect of your personality, a flaw, a failure, or anything else you think makes you unworthy and unlovable. Shame is also associated with your having acted in a way that is considered morally reprehensible and that is looked down upon by people or society in general. It can be experienced quite intensely and may lead you to think very negatively and harshly about yourself. This is why people who experience shame often do all they can to hide what they’re ashamed of. They usually feel small, humiliated, exposed, and unworthy of love and belonging.

What is it telling you?

Feelings of shame are telling you something very important about your core beliefs about yourself. One of those beliefs is that there is something very wrong with you as a person. Shame, however, should not be confused with guilt. Feelings of guilt are about feeling bad about having done something wrong, while shame is about feeling bad about being wrong and defective in some way at the very core of you. Feelings of shame are alerting you that you may be experiencing some difficulties with your sense of self-esteem and your sense of self-worth, which could be a consequence of past experiences.

How to manage it?

• Be aware! Develop your awareness and face your feelings of shame. Like it is the case with all negative emotions, the more you hide from shame, the more power it has over you. By facing and acknowledging your shame, you will take your power back thus actively refusing to let it define you.
• Don’t let anyone decide how you should feel, especially if they say, “you should feel ashamed of yourself!” Learn the distinction between guilt and shame. Shame says “I am bad to the core,” while guilt says “I did something wrong.” Shame makes you feel like you are incapable of being a better person, whereas guilt motivates you to make amends and change for the better. Choose wisely and in full awareness.
• Learn to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion.