“What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse.
―Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
Finding Mental Health Support
Written by Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
If you think you are experiencing a mental health challenge, the first thing you need to know is that you are NOT alone, even if it feels like you are. You can easily have access to the support and the help you need and deserve. Reaching out for help requires courage because of the stigma that unfortunately still surrounds mental illness. But you should never feel ashamed or embarrassed of asking for help. If anything, you should be proud of yourself for doing so because it means that you have the courage to take that first step in getting better and making a change in your life. Look at asking for mental health care the same way you’d look at seeing a doctor for a physical health problem.
The moment you’re ready to ask for help, know that different options are available to you:
#1 Reach out to a trusted adult
Telling a trusted adult what you are going through is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It can be a parent, caregiver, or relative, but not necessarily so. It can also be a friend, a teacher or coach, a faith leader, a guidance counselor, or a school psychologist/social worker. You can talk to them in person or if you are not yet ready to do so, email them or write them a letter. They’ll be glad you’ve reached out to them for help and they will support you in taking the next steps.
#2 Join a preteen or teen support group
Attending a preteen or teen support group will help you realize that you are not alone and that other preteens or teens are going through the same or similar things as you are, and that is very reassuring and empowering. You can search the Psychology Today support group database to find one in your area https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/adolescents-teenagers-14-to-19
#3 Finding a Therapist
What is going to therapy actually like? Therapy may feel awkward at first, and that is totally understandable. You’re going into an office and sharing personal information about yourself, sometimes secrets, with a total stranger. Therapists often begin with intake paperwork. It is helpful to be as honest as possible so they can have the best understanding of how to help. That said, remember that there is no expectation about what you share or when. Some people may feel totally comfortable telling their therapist every detail about themselves on the very first visit, while other people require a little more time to become comfortable. Take your time, go at your own pace. Be sure to ask your therapist about confidentiality. What can you expect from them in terms of respecting your privacy? What will they tell your parent/caregiver?
Insider Tip: Most therapists have been in therapy themselves, so though they may not understand your exact experiences, they can empathize with feelings of nervousness or ambivalence. Remember, as important as treatment modalities are, it is equally important that your therapist is a good fit for you in terms of personality, race, ethnicity, culture, gender, religion, and/or beliefs. Sometimes finding the right therapist takes a little time.
How do I talk to my parents/caregivers about seeing a therapist?
Written by Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
Sometimes we are more afraid of having a conversation with our parents than we need to be. Oftentimes we imagine that their reaction will be different than it actually turns out to be. The easiest way to ask to see a therapist is to be clear and direct.
“I think it may be good for me to talk to a therapist because I have been feeling….”
“Maybe it would be helpful for me to have another adult to talk to”
“My friend started seeing a therapist lately and said it was really helpful. I think I may like to try that, too.”
Remember, seeing a therapist is more common than ever and you have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. Nothing needs to be “wrong” for you to see a therapist, sometimes it is just good to have a neutral person to talk to.
Know your Rights: What CAN & CAN’T a Therapist tell your Caregiver
Written by Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
Most of what you say to a therapist is confidential. As a preteen or teenager, therapists understand that you are becoming more and more independent from your parents, and as such, realize that you are entitled to privacy. Therapists will rarely disclose any personal information to your parents unless they’re concerned about your safety or the safety of somebody else.
An example of when a therapist might break your confidentiality agreement is if you told them that you had a plan to end your life. They would not call your parents for things that are typical for preteens and teenagers to try, like going to a party.
Another important aspect of confidentiality is that therapists are usually mandated reporters, meaning that they must file a report with a child protective agency if you disclose any suspected abuse or neglect that you experience. Mandated reporters are legally obligated to report abuse and neglect on any adult who is doing you harm, but they will almost always inform you prior to filing the report.
Laws for confidentiality vary depending on where you live, so make sure to ask your therapist about what you can expect for privacy during your first appointment.
#4 Call a hotline to get support
If you’re feeling suicidal or feel you want to hurt yourself, do not hesitate to immediately call 911 or the appropriate hotline. The people who will answer are there for you 24/7 and will help talk you through things when you feel you’re at the end of your rope.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine provides the one-on-one help and information necessary to tackle tough challenges that you, your family, or friends are facing. Contact the NAMI HelpLine to find out what services and supports are available in your community, or text NAMI at 741741.
Stigma has consistently been a significant barrier for individuals and communities when facing challenges related to mental health. It’s the reason why people hesitate to talk about their challenges and an obstacle when it comes to getting help. The effects of stigma permeate across all areas of society and the far reaching implications can be felt both at the systemic level, as well as at every level of care. Ultimately, most will grapple with mental health stigma in some way, shape, or form. If you ever want to recognize it, you’ll find that it poses as the elephant in the room. The one everyone steadfastly ignores. Nevertheless, it is still able to drive conversations and key decisions as people try to skirt around it. The bottom line is that stigma creates more work for everyone. It’s taxing on society, and families often get the worst of it.
The Children are our Future
While the increased statistics of mental health challenges in our youth are staggering, sobering, and concerning, It’s important to point out another trend that has been observed. While the incident of youth mental illness is on the rise, the level of stigma associated with these types of challenges is decreasing in this population as well.
The Bright Side
In today’s world this should serve as no surprise. Each day we are met with stories in the news of youth who are leading the way on many fronts, whether it be gun control, climate change, or mental health stigma. Youth are talking about it among their friends, in chat rooms, via text message, and on social media. Everyday they are taking action and asking for reform or change. Most of all, they are doing and saying things that are getting the attention of the adults around them as they ask for help in their own unique ways.
Eliminate Stigma. Change the World.
The innovations that lie on the other side of stigma are worth the work to eliminate it. They are so profound that the future of our youth and by extension, our world, will forever be changed for the better. Just on the other side of stigma, there is flexibility, problem solving, collaboration, empathy, community, and a culture of acceptance. Many of us are shining in the light of empathy and paving the way for others through innovations that will change the way we look at, approach, and experience mental health for generations to come.
Three Ways to Help Eliminate Stigma
Listen empathically – Our fast-paced and whirlwind culture (#teamnosleep) can have us looking for shortcuts to make things a little easier on our minds and bodies. We tend to go on autopilot every now and again, especially when communicating with others. However, when we listen to others empathically, it opens the door for authenticity, and more importantly, we let people know that we are a safe space to talk about anything and everything.
Be a safe space through self-care – don’t let self-care only be a hashtag. Actually, do it.
Normalize mental health – every chance you get.
When we accept emotional health challenges as a normal part of the human experience, we will free ourselves from the shackles of stigma and propel ourselves towards innovation that will save lives and make this world a better place.
