True friends help make life fun. They provide the support we need and help provide the courage to live into who we fully are. However, it can take a while to sort out the friendships that are really important to us because friendships can take on different forms. There are the true friendships that last through all the ups and downs of life. There are friendships that feel exciting from time to time, but also may feel like something is missing or doesn’t feel quite comfortable all the time. Or there can be unhealthy friendships that may be damaging or even harmful to us.
Throughout your life, you will encounter many different friendships and it’s important, just like with any relationship, to establish whether they are healthy for you or not. A good question you can ask yourself is if your friend’s influence over you is positive or negative (link to peer pressure teen article). A healthy friendship is one where you feel valued, supported, cared for, and when the person genuinely wants the best for you. Let’s look at relationship differences between true friends and frenemies.
True Friends
- They express how much they appreciate you and make time to spend with you.
- They want to see you succeed in things that matter to you.
- They can tell you some hard truths in a caring and loving way.
- They are easy to laugh with and you can be silly with them.
- They are easy to talk with and you make joint decisions together.
- They are someone you feel safe with to open up about worries, concerns, or times when you are sad.
- They are willing to participate in activities that are of interest to you.
Frenemies
- They only hang out with you when it is convenient for them.
- Sometimes they say nice things to you, but tend to follow up with comments that also are negative.
- Most of the activities you do together revolve around their interests.
- When they make jokes around other people, it is at your expense and feels hurtful.
- They are not encouraging of your goals and dreams, and may even go as far as being discouraging.
- They bring up personal things with others that you shared with them in private, without your consent.
- They attempt to create conflict between you and your other friends so that they can have more of your attention.
- They get jealous or discourage you from being around other friends, family, or your partner.
- They say things that can make you feel bad about yourself.
- They may talk about you in a negative way to other people.
Takeaways
- With any friendship, there may be times when someone who is usually supportive hurts your feelings and there is a tendency to want to immediately cancel them. Instead, what you need to look out for is if it is a pattern that continually happens.
- If a friend makes a mistake and is genuinely sorry, it is always good to forgive them. Everyone makes mistakes. There are also times when someone may forgive another person and still choose to end the friendship, and that’s okay too.
- If you realize someone you thought was a friend is really a frenemy, you may feel torn as to what to do.
- Maybe they are generally fun to have around and there have been good experiences with them, however, if negative thoughts pop up too often when they are involved, the relationship may not be worth it.
- Chances are there are other people around that can bring more respect, care, and kindness to a friendship. You are worth more than having another person only think of you as a friend of convenience.
