You are likely familiar with the term anxiety. You may even be using that term when referring to your own experience. It is also possible that anxiety has been a part of your young person’s life. If that is the case and if they have shared with you their experience with anxiety, it is more than likely that they didn’t do so in a positive manner because they just don’t like the way anxiety makes them feel. No one likes to feel anxious, and yet we all experience anxiety from time to time because anxiety actually has an adaptive function and therefore it contributes to our survival as a species. Anxiety is a normal and natural physiological response to stress, to a danger, or to a threat. It’s our body’s way of letting us know that something isn’t right and that a certain situation is requiring our full attention. Usually, this normal state of arousal disappears when the threat that triggered it goes away.
Things get more complicated when the anxiety response becomes overwhelming and persistent to the point that it severely interferes with daily activities. When this happens, we may be dealing with what is referred to as an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders are different from feelings of anxiousness and nervousness. They are characterized by excessive fear and anxiety in the absence of a real danger or threat. Anxiety disorders can worsen over time and cause you to avoid certain places or situations that may trigger this negative response.
Anxiety Disorder Types & Symptoms
There are different types of anxiety disorders, each can affect someone physically and psychologically in various ways. Among those you will find:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
GAD involves being excessively and constantly worried about anything related to daily life activities (e.g., relationships, friends, school, academic performance, etc.) Physical symptoms associated with GAD are restlessness, nervousness, fatigue, inability to focus, and sleep disturbances.
Panic disorder
In this case, excessive anxiety occurs in waves, characterized by recurrent panic attacks that combine physical and psychological distress. During a panic attack, a person may experience the following symptoms.
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- Palpitations
- Sweating
- Shaking or trembling
- Feelings of shortness of breath/rapid breathing
- Chest pain
- Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint
- Numbness or tingling
- Chills or hot flashes
- Nausea, chest, or abdominal pains
- Fear of losing control
- Fear of dying
Phobias, specific phobias
These involve excessive, irrational, and persistent fears of specific objects or situations that are usually not harmful such as: darkness, bugs, fear of flying, or being in an elevator, etc. People are aware their fear is excessive but they can’t overcome it and often go to extreme lengths to avoid what they fear.
Agoraphobia
This is an irrational and intense fear of being in public spaces where escape may be difficult or embarrassing, or where help might not be available in the event of the onset of panic symptoms. Such public spaces include:
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- Using public transportation (e.g., subway, bus, train, airplane)
- Being in open or enclosed spaces
- Standing in line or being in a crowd
- Being outside the home alone
- The intensity of the fear is disproportionate to the actual situation and causes a great deal of problems in daily functioning. If left untreated, agoraphobia can become so serious that a person may not be able to leave their house anymore.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Someone who suffers from social anxiety disorder experiences extreme fear, anxiety, and discomfort about being humiliated, embarrassed, rejected, or looked down upon in social interactions. These include things such as public speaking, meeting new people, or eating and drinking in public.
Separation Anxiety Disorder
A person suffering from this disorder experiences excessive fear and anxiety when separated from someone they are very attached to.
Other Related Disorders
There are other mental disorders that do not formally fall into the anxiety disorder category, but that are regarded as being closely related to it because extreme fear and anxiety are part of their core symptoms. Among those you will find:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
This may develop in people who have experienced, or have witnessed, a traumatic event that caused them extreme emotional distress such as: a serious accident, abuse, a natural disaster, or an attack of some sort that may have threatened their or someone else’s life or caused serious injury, or death.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD occurs when a person has recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas, and sensations (obsessions) that drive them to adopt certain repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These include excessively checking on things, cleaning, washing hands, counting, tapping, and repeating certain words in order to reduce anxiety.
How to be their Ally & Support
If your young person has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, know that they are not alone. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorder in the United States, with 42.5 million people who experience an anxiety disorder in any given year. Anxiety disorders are also the most common mental health disorder of childhood and adolescence, with nearly 1 in 3 adolescents (31.9%) who will meet criteria for an anxiety disorder by the age of 18. It’s also important to note that all anxiety disorder subtypes are more frequent in girls than boys. As you can see, your young person is not alone. If your young person has not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at this time but you feel there are some good indications that they might be struggling with anxiety, there are a few things you can do to help them get through these challenging times.
The very first thing you need to do is to establish an open and caring communication with them. It’s important that you be the compassionate and understanding listener they need. As you are working on establishing a caring way of communicating with your young person, you may want to keep in mind the following suggestions and conversation starters. Remember that what would make you feel better might be very different from what they might actually need to feel better. When you communicate with your young person make sure you are being gentle and reassuring in your voice and your body language.
Try saying:
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- “I’ve noticed that you’re feeling sad (or worried) right now. I’m a little concerned and I want you to know that I’m right here if you’d like to talk about it.”
Avoid saying:
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- “Ok, you’re sad again. So, what’s the problem this time?”
Ask them how you can best help them. Focus on their needs. Do they need advice and guidance, or do they need a compassionate and non-judgmental ear? Sometimes, a calm and reassuring presence without offering solutions can be all they need to feel safe and open up to you. Actively listen to them. Show them you are completely focused on them by making eye contact, avoiding interrupting, clarifying what they say, encouraging them, and making them feel validated in their feelings.
Try saying:
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- “You don’t seem to be quite your usual self lately. Would you like to talk to me about it?“
- “How can I best help you? What do you feel you need most from me right now?”
- “Would you like to tell me a little bit about what’s making you feel sad (or worried)? I know that when I feel sad it helps me a lot to talk to someone who I know cares about me.”
Avoid saying:
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- “So, what’s the problem? I’m not a mind reader. There’s nothing I can do if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
However, no matter how willing you are to help, it’s possible that your young person is not ready to share their experience with you. In this case, don’t pressure them to do so. Let them be free to open up when they feel they’re ready to do so. Instead, you may want to remind them that they’re in good company with many other adolescents who go through similar difficulties. This means that they should never feel ashamed or embarrassed about what they feel. Encourage them to make room for self-compassion and self-care by helping them work on the following steps.
7 Self-Care Strategies for Your Young Person’s Anxiety
- Inspire them to become a meditation master.
Talk to them about the possibility of practicing meditation, yoga, and deep breathing to give their body and mind that deep sense of inner peace and long-lasting relaxation state they’re yearning for. Introduce them to Apps like Insight Timer, Headspace, and Calm, that are great resources and will assist them in these practices. If you practice mindfulness and meditation yourself, offer to share with them your experience with these practices, but don’t pressure them to listen if they show too much resistance. - Motivate them to take care of themselves.
Tell them that their body and mind have the capacity to feel peaceful and to cope adequately with stress and anxiety. For this to happen they need three simple things: enough sleep and rest, healthy eating habits, and plenty of exercise. Help them come up with a plan to make those three things happen in their life. Remind them also that caffeine and energy drinks are powerful stimulants that will only worsen their anxiety. - Encourage them to educate themselves.
Put at their disposal short and simple readings about the type of anxiety they’re struggling with. Being prepared and feeling informed will create a sense of security and preparedness for their symptoms and how to better manage them. - Motivate them to keep a journal.
Gently encourage them to write down their feelings and thoughts and explain to them that it may help them reflect on their concerns and explore healthy options. It can also be calming to write their objectives, reminders, and to-do’s down so that they don’t linger in their mind. - Motivate them to spend plenty of time with those they love.
Being surrounded by people they enjoy being with is a very effective way to feel supported, secure, less upset, and less anxious about things. - Mention to them the importance of paying attention to the good things in their life.
Choosing to adopt a positive attitude is a great way to keep their mind off the things that feel stressful and anxious. Our brain cannot both worry and think positively at the same time. It’s just not wired for it. - Encourage them to get the support they need.
If you feel their anxiety and worry are getting out of control but they are still not willing to talk to you openly about it, then it is essential that you help them reach out for help. Let them know that there are people other than you they can reach out to, such as a family member, a teacher, a school counselor, or a mental health professional (whose job it is to support adolescents who go through difficult times). You can also let them know about other resources they can use to reach out for help and where they will find immediate support. Some of these resources can also be very useful to you.
Additional Resources
There are also several other resources you can use to reach out for help and where you will find immediate support.
Suicide/Crisis Support Hotline: 1 (800) 273‑TALK (8255)
Or text the Crisis Text Line – “HELLO” to 741741
Covenant House Teen Hotline: 1(800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336)
1-310-855-HOPE (4673) or text “TEEN” to 839863
Boys Town National Hotline: 1 (800) 448-3000
This hotline is for all teenagers struggling with anxiety. It’s available 24/7.
Panic Disorder Information Hotline: 1 (800) 647-2642
SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1 (800) 662-4357
This helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, treatment referral and information service for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance disorders.
Teen Tribe: This website provides peer-to-peer group support for teens who go through challenging times. This is a free service. https://support.therapytribe.com/teen-support-group/
ADAA Directory: This website allows teens and family members to search support groups in their local area, as well as phone or online groups. https://adaa.org/supportgroups
