What is the deal with those emotions your young person experiences that seem to have so much power over them? What is their relationship to them? Truth be told, whether we like them or not, our emotions are an integral part of us being human, and therefore they are here to stay. Your young person, just like the rest of us, is born with the innate capacity to experience them, and that’s why they are such an intimate part of who they are. Each and every one of us experiences them on a daily basis. They are as important as the air we breathe, and there is an excellent reason for that to be the case. Let’s consider what those reasons might be.
Emotions are no small detail in the life of a human being. In fact, Charles Darwin identified human emotions as playing a key role in our capacity to adapt to our environment, which in turn, increases our chances to survive as a species. Basically, what Darwin is telling us is that our emotions are not just some useless and bothersome part of our human condition we have to put up with, but that they are in fact an absolute necessity to our human evolution.
How does that relate to your young person? Let’s take a look at the role their emotions play in their life and what makes them so important.
According to psychologist Kendra Cherry, emotions have five main purposes that young people may not always be aware of.
The Purpose of Emotions
According to psychologist Kendra Cherry, emotions have five main purposes that young people may not always be aware of:
1. Emotions have the power to motivate us to take action.
Ask your young person if they remember the last time they had to take a really important test or a midterm exam they knew was going to impact their final grade for a course? Do they remember how nerve-racking an experience that was? Were any of the emotions they experienced in response to that situation pleasant in any way? Most likely not. And yet, probably without even being aware of it, their emotions became a driving force that gave them the motivation to take action and do something positive to improve their chances of getting a good grade. And if they give it a little bit of thought, they can surely find plenty of instances when their emotions motivated them to take action in order to improve their life in one way or another.
2. Emotions help us survive, thrive, and avoid danger.
If you were to encourage your young person to reflect upon this, they would probably realize that when they are angry, they are likely to face up to the source of their irritation in order to restore calm and balance within themselves. In a similar fashion, when they experience fear they are more likely to avoid or flee a dangerous situation that could be a threat to their well-being and safety. And when they feel love, they surely want to get closer and more intimate with the person or the people who make them feel that way because they know instinctively that they help them thrive. These are good illustrations of Darwin’s perspective on the usefulness of emotions.
3. Emotions are a great help when it comes to making decisions.
If we can’t feel emotions, we can’t make decisions. It’s as simple as that. Your young person may not realize it but their emotions have a major influence on the decisions they make, from what they eat, to what they wear, the music they listen to, the friends they choose to be with, which career to pursue, and even finding a partner who will love them and who they will love in return. The reason behind everything we do in life, in one way or another, is related to our emotions. Even in situations where we believe our decisions are guided only by logic and rationality, our emotions play a key role. We think with the help of our brain, but most of the time we listen to our heart.
4. Emotions help other people understand us.
One thing all preteens or teens should be aware of is the fact that their emotions give other people clues about them that help those people understand how they are feeling. Sometimes their body language, their facial expressions, or their tone of voice are the cues that give others information about the particular emotions they are experiencing at that moment. Other times, they state more directly how they feel by telling them that they are happy, sad, angry, or scared. This emotional way they instinctively use to interact with others is important because it gives information about your young person that helps people know how to relate to them in certain situations, and be there for them if need be.
5. Emotions help us understand others.
Just as your preteen’s or teen’s emotions give valuable information to others, the emotions of people around them provide your young person with a great deal of social information that allows them to interpret and respond to others’ emotions. It helps them communicate appropriately and effectively in a wide range of situations with the people who matter to them. And this is essential when it comes to building deeper and more meaningful relationships with their friends, their family, and the people they love.
You now know the importance emotions play in many areas of your young person’s life, and yet it may still be difficult for you to accept how they seem to affect them. Perhaps you don’t like the way their emotions make them feel. Or you may even think sometimes that there might be something wrong with your young person. Well, be assured that you are not the only one to feel that way. You’re in good company with many other caregivers. There is one thing that it is helpful to remember, however, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your young person. The only problem here is that we all tend to forget that our emotions are an integral part of us being human and sometimes they can get the best of us. They’re a part of your young person, they’re a part of all of us, and that’s why they’re not going anywhere.
As you know, some of your young person’s emotions feel positive when they feel happy, joyful, self-confident, or grateful. While others feel more negative, like when they feel sad, angry, frustrated, or fearful. Sometimes they may leave your young person feeling confused because their emotions are like the weather, they have the power to make them feel good and bright like a sunny day, or sad and gloomy like a rainy, cold day. You have probably noticed that they can change several times in the course of one day, making your young person feel like they are on a roller coaster. But just like the changing of the weather, the changing of your preteen’s or teen’s emotions are, once again, completely normal. In fact, it may not feel that way to you, but if your young person were to be deprived of their emotions entirely, they would feel completely lost, disconnected from everyone and everything, and they wouldn’t know how to navigate the world they live in. Everything would feel dull and meaningless to them. Your preteen’s or teen’s emotions constantly give them information about what they are experiencing and help them know how to respond to what goes on within them and around them.
Do you still feel a little ambivalent about your young person’s relationship with their emotions? Well, the good news is that there is a way for your young person to improve how they relate to their emotions. Although their emotions have been with them since they were a baby, you probably noticed that with time and practice, they’ve gotten better at knowing what they are feeling and why. This skill is called emotional awareness. We all naturally acquire some degree of emotional awareness as we grow up and get older. To learn more about helping your young person develop emotional awareness, click here.
