Recent scientific studies indicate that 61% of teens aged 13 to 17 have been exposed to at least one traumatic event in their lifetime, while 19% have experienced three or more such events. According to the US Department of Veteran Affairs, approximately 15% to 43% of those who identify as girls and 14% to 43% of those who identify as boys experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetimes. Within that group, 3% to 15% of girls and 1% to 6% of boys develop long lasting effects of that trauma in the form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Trauma is one of those terms that many use to denote a particular experience or series of experiences that have left a person with mental health challenges that they have to overcome. In the field of psychology, trauma is a very specific term that refers to a reaction to an event that results in feeling a loss of control over one’s life, to the extent that they feel unsafe or helpless in their ability to survive. This clinical definition may not encompass what most think of trauma. What may be traumatic for one person, may not be for another.
Outside of the clinical definition, some traumatic events for young people may be experiencing the loss of a loved one, community violence, sustaining abuse, a contentious divorce, a car accident or illness, and even bullying.
Trauma can have a profound impact on our lives across domains. One of the most important lessons to learn about trauma is that it lives in the body. Trauma produces a chemical response in the body in the moment that it occurs that can be perpetuated for months and years to come if the trauma is not resolved. Stress hormones related to trauma can wreak havoc on the body and its systems, and can affect the heart, blood vessels, and kidneys. Furthermore, due to the surge and resurgence of stress hormones, maladaptive coping mechanisms may develop, such as overeating, alcohol and drug abuse, and mental health challenges such as anxiety and PTSD. Unaddressed, trauma can make it difficult for your young person to focus in school, make meaningful relationships, and ultimately live a happy life.
Signs that your Young Person may have experienced Trauma
Experiencing a traumatic event may affect a young person’s ability to feel safe communicating, even with someone they are close to. They may feel unsafe, scared, or have a sense of guilt, shame, or blame. For preteens and teens there may be extreme sadness/grief or a loss of self-esteem and dignity. Some signs that they may have experienced trauma are:
- They have nightmares or flashbacks related to the traumatic event. This could also mean that they have trouble sleeping at night or are experiencing night terrors.
- They have difficulty paying attention. Perhaps their grades are slipping and they aren’t able to catch up.
- They are engaging in maladaptive coping strategies such as smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. These strategies serve to suppress the emotionality related to working through trauma, especially if they don’t have the skills to employ more healthy coping mechanisms.
- Anxiety and fear are present consistently. One of the main factors underscoring a PTSD diagnosis is the loss of control. This ignites the fear center of the brain and causes it to be extremely reactive to the environment in an attempt to protect us from experiencing further traumas.
- Those who have experienced trauma also may avoid certain places or things in order to avoid the rise of emotions that may come from the traumatic experiences.
- You may notice they are struggling to concentrate during conversations, organize their thoughts and materials, and participate in new learning. Their executive functioning skills may be impacted, which can impact school performance.
Preteens and teens who have experienced trauma may find that they have extended bouts of depression or sadness long after the trauma has occurred. - Your young person may find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster. They may have angry outbursts or even times when they become overly emotional. This is due to the profound effects of stress hormones on their nervous system.
- The hyper sensitivity that may result from experiencing trauma may also give way to panic attacks. Signs of a panic attack include sudden onset of:
- Shortness of breath
- Muscle tension
- Chest pain
- Sweat
- Feeling lightheaded
- An overwhelming feeling of impending doom
So your young person has experienced trauma and is showing signs of its lasting effects in their lives, physically and/or emotionally. What now? As a caregiver you may be worried and stressed, trying to figure out the best path forward to bring relief and healing to your young person. The first thing to remember is that you are not alone. Many caregivers are in the same boat as you, and are willing to walk down this path with you. Seeking support for yourself is important.
Now, as it relates to how you can help your young person, there is nothing better than a soft landing space when you are scared and traumatized. This may be difficult, especially if they are experiencing emotional burden related to the trauma, which could cause them to lash out, be mean, or angry towards you. If this is happening in your household, just know that it happens with the people preteens and teens feel safest with. So, as hard as it is for you to endure the unleashing of your preteen’s or teen’s angst, you should feel proud of the fact that you have created a safe enough environment for them to fully let their emotions be on display.
They may have Trouble Communicating
- They may not want to worry you or create more burden on the family.
- They may not have fully processed the reality of what they are experiencing.
- They may be afraid or scared of feeling judged.
- They may feel like they need to be the stronger sibling or family member/friend.
- They may not know how to express what they are feeling.
- They may not recognize that they are experiencing symptoms reflective of trauma.
How to Start the Conversation
When you are ready (calm, grounded), engaging in a collaborative problem solving conversation with your young person is a great way to start on the road towards healing. You will need to create space to engage in a vulnerable conversation with your young person. Next, let them know your concerns, pointing to specific instances. An example of this might sound like:
- “Tiffany, I love you. I’ve noticed that you are struggling because you are yelling a lot at me, your little brother, and even the dog. I know it has been hard since the accident for you and I’m concerned. I want us to work together to figure out a solution.”
- “Joey, I’m hoping we can talk a little about everything that has been going on. I know it’s been hard on you with the divorce, and you are having a hard time navigating it. I’ve seen how you’ve changed in the last few months and I know you are trying different ways to feel better. What can I do to help you?”
- “Blaine, I just wanted to talk a bit about Marney. Losing her has been so hard for me, so I can imagine it’s been tough for you. The feelings we have when we lose someone we love can be so intense sometimes. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. You can always come to me if you ever need to talk, cry, or vent. Is there anything else I can do to help you? Would you like to talk to someone outside of our family about this?”
Once you are able to lay out your concerns, ask them to tell you what they are thinking and feeling. Make sure you validate their experience and show them that you understand what they have been through.
Next, ask them what they need from you or the other adults around them to start on the road towards healing. Therapy is a great suggestion, but not always one that is fully embraced right away, so it may take some time. Ultimately, therapy would be the best route to take for your young person to reach the pinnacle of healing from their traumatic experience.
Nevertheless, engage in regular, honest conversations with them about their trauma, their healing journey, and what direction you will journey in together.
Finding the Right Help for Them
Therapy can help them uncover the root of the trauma and find comfort and safety using learned coping strategies. There are several forms of therapy that may be a fit for your young person. Success with therapy is also established by finding the right practitioner that will instill a feeling of safety and trust. It can be helpful to seek out a culturally relevant (racial/ethnic/LGBTQ+/gendered) therapist or therapy (Afro-centric/African-centered). These are a few therapeutic techniques:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – to change distortions and behavior and regulate emotions. This therapy can be trauma focused.
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) – which uses mindfulness to stay grounded and in the present moment, and achieve emotion regulation.
- Psychotherapy – gives the person an opportunity to speak about their trauma and work through the healing process.
- Meditation Practices
Besides Therapy, Here are Some Ways to Support Them
- Encourage brave behaviors. When they are avoiding people, places, or things that may trigger their trauma, it inevitably perpetuates the fear process. Encourage them to engage in activities that may be triggering but are totally safe. An example of this is getting in a car and driving after a traumatic car accident. Praise them when they do this and show them how proud you are of them.
- Show them extra love, attention, and patience. Trusted human connection is so important for healing.
- Participate in activities and routines that may be comforting to them. It is important to help them get back to a regular sleep, healthy eating, and exercise schedule. Try to enjoy meals together.
- Be open to listen in a safe, judgment-free zone free of interruptions. Frequent and open communication are key to being their go-to for support when it is needed.
- Schools are becoming much more trauma-sensitive. Work with your young person’s educational team to build in support to aid their learning. They may need additional scaffolding and accommodations while they heal.
- Get support for yourself. As a caregiver to a preteen or teen, you have a lot on your plate and are juggling the ups and downs of life related to trauma. Finding other families or caregivers who may be going through the same thing to talk to could help alleviate a lot of stress and anxiety, so that you can focus your energy on walking alongside your young person in their healing journey.
- Recognize that it is a journey. Healing from a traumatic experience or series of experiences takes time. Depending on the severity of the trauma, it can be a lifelong journey. Don’t be discouraged by this. The healing journey is riddled with lessons that will help your young person to be successful and resilient despite the trauma they incurred.
Resources to learn more about Trauma
- The Body Keeps The Score (2014) by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk. This phenomenal book provides great insight into how trauma lives in our bodies and the ways that it manifests in our lives. With this book in hand, you will obtain necessary skills and tools that will help you to be the best support possible for your young person.
- The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma and Adversity (2018) by Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris. This is an excellent resource for preventing life-long impact following adverse childhood experiences.
- What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing (2021) by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. Dr. Perry provides scientific and emotional insight into behavior patterns and how to support healing.
