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Our gender identity is the gender we feel ourselves to be, who we know that we are inside…
Cisgender people identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, and transgender people don’t.
Gender identities other than girl/woman or boy/man are considered to be nonbinary.
Our gender identity is internal and not visible to others.
Our romantic orientation is the gender/s that we are emotionally attracted to.
Our sexual orientation is the gender/s that we are physically attracted to.
Our sexual orientation is not always the same as our romantic orientation.
A person’s orientation can change over their lifetime.
Sex is a medical term that describes a set of factors related to the human reproductive system.
Infants are commonly assigned a sex at birth, based on the appearance of their genitals.
Intersex is an umbrella term for people whose chromosome patterns and/or anatomy do not fit typical binary ideas of a male or female body.
Our gender expression is how we publicly display our gender.
This can include our name, hairstyle, clothing, makeup, pronouns, body language, way of speaking, and more.
Your gender expression may or may not match your gender identity and/or the expectations that other people have of you.
Gender: denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.
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Mornings can have the power to set the tone for the rest of your day.
One of the easiest and most direct ways to bring your attention to the present moment is by bringing your attention to your breath. Your breath is always happening in the present moment whether you are thinking about it or not, and by bringing your attention to it, you are directly connecting yourself to the present moment as it is unfolding.
Many times, when someone is speaking to us, we are often caught up in our own mind thinking of what we are going to say next, without giving their words our full attention and consideration. Mindful listening is a way of listening without judgment, criticism, or interruption. Do this while at the same time as being aware of internal thoughts and reactions you may be experiencing that are actually getting in the way of people communicating with you effectively.
Next time you are in a conversation, try actively listening to the other person with your full attention and see what you notice. Is the conversation more enjoyable? Easier? Or something else? This type of mindful listening can lead to developing deeper and more authentic connections with others.
One of the most amazing aspects of your body is that it functions without you having to do anything — your heart beats, your lungs breathe, and your stomach processes and digests your food without you having to tell them to. Yet, your body also constantly sends you messages and feedback through different sensations that you might not always notice. It is an important tool for your health to make some time each day to tune into your body’s sensations and notice if you think it is trying to communicate something to you. Take a moment each day and check in with your body. What do you notice? Are there any pains or aches? Do you feel a sense of heaviness or lightness? Do you feel tight anywhere? By bringing your attention to your body, you are able to bring your attention to the present and also connect to the feedback and information your body is sending you so you can learn from your body.
Set an alarm on your phone or watch for a specific time each day to check in with your body and do this practice. Take a deep breath and become fully aware of everything you feel through your senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell), including sensations in your body, the air on your skin, temperature of the room, sounds around you, etc. Notice, allow, and breathe through any discomfort that might come up from thoughts, feelings, or sensations you have.
Tips for strong emotions or sensations: When you do this practice, it is normal for strong emotions or physical sensations to be there. If the emotions or sensations feel overwhelming, just stop the practice and give yourself some kudos for trying it out! Many people have noticed that the more they practice, the more they are able to handle big emotions or sensations in their bodies.
If the emotions or sensations are not too overwhelming and you want to keep practicing, try this:
Adopting an “attitude of gratitude” is a little practice that can have a big impact on your life! People who regularly practice gratitude make time in their day to notice and reflect on the people, places, and things they are thankful for. In doing so, studies suggest they experience more positive emotions, sleep better, have more compassion and kindness towards others, feel more alive, and even have stronger immune systems. This practice allows you to really savor and appreciate the goodness in your life.
By focusing on the positive we become more available to create a more positive future and attract more of the things we do want in our life. Just remember, where your focus goes, energy flows!
There are so many times throughout the day where the mind is distracted or on autopilot and you might wonder how you got from point A to point B without having to put much thought into it. By bringing mindful attention to your walking or movement, you can break free from this cycle, clearing your mind of any clutter, and restoring your sense of focus and attention to what is directly in front of you. The goal is simple and fun. Become consciously aware while moving.
As you walk or move, pay attention to the sensations of the body, and play with your movement. Imagine you are an alien who just landed on Earth and had to learn how to walk on our planet. How do your feet feel when they each hit the ground? How do the other muscles of your body feel as you balance? Notice if and how your arms swing as you walk. Is it easier or more difficult to move if you slow down? As you become aware of your body and surroundings, see if you can open up your senses with a sense of curiosity and joy to experience the sights, sounds, and smells that surround you.
It’s more likely than not that you have experienced a flow state at some point in your life. It is a state of mind and body where you are completely absorbed and intensely focused on your task at hand, unaffected by any distractions. In this state, time will feel like it has slowed down, your senses will be heightened, and your actions and awareness are in sync to respond with effortless momentum.
Mindful seeing is the practice of taking in your surroundings by observing and noticing the finer details of life all around you in the present moment, without needing to label or judge them in any way. This is best practiced outdoors where you can experience the natural world around you.
There are so many ways to practice mindful seeing. Look for the small details, the things you find beautiful, and the quiet things in life and the world around you. When you take in these details, notice how they make you feel inside. Another level of mindfulness, unlocked. This practice reveals the beauty and gift that can be found in the present moment — all around you, all the time. Practicing this way, through how you observe the world, shows you the choice you always have over where and how your attention is directed. This choice of where you place your attention is always yours.
A really great and enjoyable way to bring your attention to the present moment is when you eat. Sometimes we aren’t paying attention to the food we eat because we’re distracted and busy doing other things at the same time — homework, talking or texting with friends, watching videos or TV, etc. This can often lead to mindless eating where you may eat way more than you meant to or so fast that you didn’t realize you were already full. When you take time to eat mindfully, you can bring yourself into the experience, truly appreciate your food, and engage all five of your senses.
The more you practice mindful eating, the more enjoyment and nourishment you will experience when eating.
Developing a mindfulness practice doesn’t always have to be something you do alone. Lots of times mindfulness is practiced in a community or group setting. Community support is key to developing and maintaining a practice. If you tend to be more social, or like the accountability, connection, and support that community or group members bring to the experience, find a buddy or group to practice with! There are some awesome apps and organizations that offer teen-centered mindfulness classes, retreats, and practices on their website and in-person.
Check them out here:
According to Gonzaga et al. (2019), there are several ways that caregivers can encourage and promote strong self-esteem and positive body image in their young people. A healthy body image is pivotal to growing the self-esteem of young people. When it comes to how to talk about a healthy body and self-image, there are several things that can help.
We all want certain things in life for our young people. We want to help them make and achieve their goals and thrive while exploring their many interests and curiosities. So how do we help them get there? What tools of the trade can we share with them that will help them find success? Here are three quick tips to help your young person develop a healthy habit.
What does your young person want to do? Do they want to develop healthy habits of physical activity? Is hanging out with friends more of their priority? Do they want to consider reading a print copy of a book instead of looking at a bright screen before bedtime?
Although we can suggest things that we think might interest or help our young people, only they can truly decide what motivates them enough to create a new healthy habit for themselves. It can be the consequence of a bad habit or the result of forming a good habit that gives them the intrinsic motivation for change. As long as their focus will bring about a positive outcome in their life, there are so many possibilities of what habit(s) they may want to continue with and which ones they would like to begin or stop.
Some common examples of desirable habits your young person may be interested in pursuing are: developing a certain skill in a sport, improving in a musical instrument, getting better at a creative outlet (e.g., writing, drawing, or technology), and of course keeping in touch with friends and family. Help them learn to examine their life as a triangle of physical, mental, and social well-being. They can make a decision about new habits or old habits based on if one of these areas are lacking — and why that might be.
Nothing says that a new focus needs to be permanent, so remind them not to worry that they have made a wrong choice. They can reassess their focus points throughout the year to see if their priorities still align with their life goals. A great time for this is the first of the month. On the first of every month, help or remind them to do a personal check-in with themselves. They can ask themselves questions like, “Are my behaviors truly driving me towards the life I want to live?” and “Have any of my goals or aspirations changed?”
Also, keep in mind that while it’s true that your young person can have multiple new habits going at the same time, it really doesn’t need to be a huge life shift all at once. In fact, that leads us to tip number two.
Adults and kids alike have all heard the term “baby steps.” Well, it’s generally great advice for habits, and that includes for your young person too. Sure, some people can go “all in” and make a huge change in just one day or one week — but that’s rare. This can overwhelm our young people and discourage them before they even get started. Generally, things happen by effecting a major change, but in a minor way. Let your young person know that small positive steps will get them there and they have your full support all the way, no matter how long it takes.
Keep pointing out to your young person that it all happens with a small start. Things like filling their water bottle, putting their book on their bed stand, writing a social event on the calendar, or picking up and holding their musical instrument are all great starts to bigger goals. These small things lead to the next step, which leads to the next step, and so on and so on. Helping them remember the big picture and supporting them through the small steps it takes to get there can also make a huge impact on their success and whether their journey to their goal is a positive one.
This tip is super obvious and it should go without saying, but a habit is only a habit if you repeat the activity. Sometimes our young people think that because they did something for a few weeks they have somehow “finished” or “accomplished” their goal or habit. And while small, short-term goals can feel like that, when we look at the overall bigger picture we need to remind them to keep those habits up to keep moving towards their positive lifetime goals.
It often helps to explain it to them in terms of a lifestyle versus something like a resolution. New Year’s resolutions generally don’t stick because people view the new behavior as temporary. If they build a pattern or a streak of their healthy activity to keep the habit going, that can help them keep their forward momentum towards positive changes throughout their life. It is human nature to get into an “either/or” situation: a rut of unhealthy living or a path of productivity. What this means for you and your young person is, it’s easier to eat a whole bag of chips today if they already did that yesterday. It’s easier to self-deprecate and talk down to themselves if they have been doing so for a while. It’s easier to skip another night of sleep if they have been staying up late to watch Netflix or play video games all week.
Likewise, it’s easier for your young person to keep up with their healthy habits if it’s simply just part of their day-to-day routine. See how many weeks in a row they can brush and floss their teeth without forgetting. Or ask them to keep track of how many days they cut back on their screen time during the summer. Maybe you could encourage them to keep a calendar up with how many days each week they got outside for some exercise.
Making habits routine is easier said than done, of course, because this is the essence of a habit. That’s why starting small is so crucial, and that’s why creating a calendar streak of days is the next logical step. If your young person misses a day, don’t let them get dismayed, encourage them to pick right back up the next day. Then they are back on track again!
There are two fantastic books on this topic, one entitled, “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg, and the other is “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. Both focus on small steps towards big things in life, and are great recommendations as essential readings on this topic.
Helping your young person to build their healthy habits over time is important. They will feel better about themselves with the successes and sense of accomplishment they have along the way. Self-confidence spills over into social interactions, and of course, any stress relief in the form of healthy habits leads to better physical health and overall longevity. This is a win-win for both you and your young person!
Emotional overload/overwhelm may be experienced when some of our emotions become so intense that we feel we can’t cope or manage them anymore. These emotions, whose intensity builds over time, may be caused by prolonged stress, adversity, traumatic life experiences (e.g., chronic bullying), or a life-threatening accident.
People who experience emotional overload/overwhelm might see their ability to think and act rationally be significantly affected. They often have difficulties focusing on and performing daily tasks. They also tend to withdraw from their friends and family and see their feelings of intense grief penetrate many areas of their life. Emotional overload/overwhelm should not be ignored in the hopes that it will go away on its own, because if left unaddressed, it can have serious repercussions. not only on our mental health (anxiety and depression), but also on our physical health (e.g., persistent fatigue, loss of appetite, and sleep disturbances).
The message here is simple — your young person has a very, very full plate or they’ve been through some highly stressful event(s), and their mind has reached its limits when it comes to its ability to cope in an effective and healthy manner. It’s urgent for your young person to be very kind to themselves and to take good care of both their body and their mind.
They need to reach out for help and talk to a trusted friend, family member who cares about them, or a therapist who will know how to support them.
Another great solution here is the practice of mindfulness. It works miracles when it comes to emotional overload. It will teach them very effective and fast-acting relaxation techniques that will bring their mind and their body to a place of calmness and awareness. They will also learn to identify their stress triggers more easily and how to manage them effectively.
Meditate and then meditate some more! Meditation will help them learn how to redirect their thoughts at will, so they can choose to focus on positive and comforting thoughts that will help them manage their emotions and reduce their emotional stress.
Help them reduce some of the stressors on their plate. Ensure they are getting enough sleep, eating well, and getting physical activity and/or time in nature.
Positive emotions are very beneficial for human beings, and those benefits are being felt almost instantly from the moment our mind shifts from negative to positive thinking. Not only do positive emotions have the power to make you more creative, more efficient, more adaptable, more sociable, and more active and attentive, but they will also make you significantly more resistant to physical illness while strengthening your mental health. Shifting to and welcoming positive emotions in your mind is like putting in place a whole new way of thinking and acting that has the power to transform your life entirely. Are you ready to make that shift? If so, then let’s look at those positive emotions that have the ability to transform your life for the better.
Love is like a superpower. It will bring you peace and serenity when there is discord. It will heal your deepest wounds and sorrows. It will dry your tears and cleanse you of all negativity. It will restore hope in your life and will give you strength when you feel at the end of your rope. It will wrap you up in an embrace of comfort and will teach you self-acceptance and self-compassion so you can be the best version of yourself. And by doing so, you will become a beacon of light and comfort to others. Love is the ultimate gift you can give yourself. It’s right there waiting for you. All you have to do is let it in.
To give love to others in a healthy manner, it is essential that you first cultivate and practice self-love. There are different ways for you to cultivate self-love that are powerful and that will bring peace, healing, strength, comfort, self-acceptance and self-compassion into your life.
Thinking that self-love, and receiving love from others, is conditional on what you do, what you say, what you think or what you look like can have a serious impact on your self-esteem. Self-love is and should only be seen as being unconditional.
Self-love requires you to cultivate the capacity to be kind to yourself. Treat your body with respect. You only have one, therefore it’s essential that you take good care of it. Make sure to feed your body with healthy foods that will make it thrive and become stronger. Exercise as often as you can. Choose a kind of workout that you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Go to the gym, go swimming, go biking or go for a walk in nature. Anything that makes your body feel good and healthy should be on your list of priorities.
Such awareness will allow you to recognize the inner critic inside of you that tries to pull you down and hold you back by making you feel small and afraid. One way to cultivate such awareness is to discover the practice of mindfulness and meditation. Such practice is very powerful and will teach you to recognize your thought patterns and then control and silence the inner critic within you.
Therefore, stop comparing yourself to others. Such comparisons are skewed since there’s no one else like you in this world. Let go of the need for approval from others. Instead, embrace and love the things that make you different. They are the things that make you so special thus don’t ever let anyone make you feel or think otherwise.
Connect or reconnect with friends, family members and whoever will treat you with kindness and respect. Their love will empower you and will remind you of how amazing you are.
This is absolutely crucial to cultivating self-love. Any one who brings you down, puts you down and makes you feel sad, unhappy, unsafe, and less than amazing does not deserve to be part of your life in any way.
Gratitude is another superpower that has the capacity to transform your life for the better. No wonder scientists have been researching its benefits actively for a while now. How would you like to build better and more meaningful relationships, significantly improve your physical and mental health, experience a deep sense of happiness, sleep better, improve your self-esteem, and increase your mental strength? You can easily enjoy all those benefits. All it requires is for you to develop your ability to sincerely appreciate the things and the people in your life who are positive and make you feel good. It’s quite simple, and yet so powerful.
Despite all the known benefits practicing gratitude can bring into your life, you may have noticed that being genuinely thankful can sometimes be difficult. It does not always come easy to us because we tend to be more focused on the negative things in our life rather than on the positive ones. There are simple ways, however, to cultivate gratitude and appreciation that will better your life and improve the way you relate to yourself, to others and to life in general.
The way you feel and the state of mind you adopt when you start your day usually sets the tone for the way your day will be like. Therefore, adopting a positive attitude from the moment you wake up can influence the rest of your day. This can be achieved by starting your daily routine with being grateful. Before you get up, see if you can think of one or two things you are thankful for. It can be the nice and warm weather outside, your good health, the fact that you’re going camping with your friends later that day, or anything else that makes you feel good, warm and happy inside.
Devote a few minutes at the end of each day to write in your journal. List two or three things that happened that day and that inspire you to feel grateful. Writing in your gratitude journal at the end of the day gives you a chance to reflect on events you experienced that day and how they made you feel. Writing about them will help you connect with those feelings and learn to recognize the impact they have on your physical and mental well-being. Discover the power of gratitude by feeling how good it makes you feel inside.
Gratitude affirmations, though short and simple, are powerful expressions of appreciation that can influence your emotional state while helping you focus on the positive in your life. You can use pre-written gratitude affirmations such as:
However, the most powerful affirmations are those you create yourself because they are genuine and heartfelt and connect to you personally.
Write your affirmations each day on an index card that you will keep with you throughout the day so you can look at it from time to time. If writing a gratitude affirmation each day is too much for you, then write one every two or three days, or any time that feels right to you. In addition, when you write your affirmations, try to keep the following tips in mind:
We all have the tendency sometimes to take for granted the things others do for us, whether they be favors or kind gestures. Try to become aware of whether this is one of your tendencies. If it is, see if you can change it by simply, genuinely, and purposefully saying “Thank you!” to the people, including strangers, who are good to you in one way or another and who improve your life every day. You will be surprised at how a simple, “Thank you!” can go a long way and brighten the day of those around you and how good and warm inside their uplifted mood will make you feel.
Albert Einstein once said, “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” Did you know that scientific research shows that curiosity and conscientiousness combined are more important than intelligence in predicting success? When you’re curious, you crave for knowledge and you love hunting for answers to questions such as “what?,” “why?,” and “how?” Such a mindset was found to be critical to success because it’s the driving force behind innovations and new discoveries in all fields. Cultivating curiosity will keep your mind sharp, active, and creative which will increase your chances to expand your horizons and bring success into your life.
To develop your curiosity, you must be and remain open-minded about yourself and the world around you. It takes both humility and determination. You should be ready to question some of the things you may believe to be right and be willing to accept the possibility you may be wrong about those things, and that changing your mind may be beneficial to you and help you grow as a person.
Feeling blasé and bored will impede your capacity to remain open to new possibilities, new ideas and new adventures. The moment you view something as boring you close a door that, had you chosen to open it, may have introduced you to an entire new perspective on things. There may be a whole new and exciting world behind that door and it’s up to you to cultivate your curiosity in a way that will allow you to explore it.
The number one rule to develop your curiosity is to never stop asking questions. Be relentless in your willingness to go beneath the surface of things. Don’t be fooled by appearances. Dig deeper, sharpen your understanding of things by asking “why?”, “when?”, “how?”, “where?” and “who?”. Such questions are curious people’s best assets and will take you far in your search for answers and your understanding of the world that surrounds you.
Books and magazines are your best friends when it comes to developing your curiosity. Books will take you into a world of novelty that will enhance your creativity and introduce you to exciting new topics that maybe you didn’t even know existed. Make a list of subjects that interest you and look for magazines and books that will satisfy your thirst for new knowledge and ideas.
Do you like feeling excited about something? It’s exciting to be excited. Yet, there is an even deeper emotion than excitement, and that is passion. While excitement is generally short-lived, passion brings you sustained and long-lasting energy and, yes, excitement too, to achieve anything that is important to you. Passion has this incredible capacity to expand and grow with time. It breeds more passion, generates discipline, and helps you use your energy efficiently and focus on achieving your dreams. Passion will bring inexhaustible excitement to your life, so find your passion and start living your life fully. Maybe you already know what you’re passionate about. However, if you’re not quite sure what your passion is, don’t worry as there are several ways for you to identify and cultivate it.
Consider a list of categories of activities that could become passions such as:
This list is not exhaustive, of course, but it’s a good start. You can add to it any other category that interests you. Explore and research each category and see if any one of them stands out, resonates with you and excites you. Do you wish you were really good at one or more of them? This could be indicative of what you could become passionate about.
Determination is like a secret ingredient that has the power to transform your life by turning opportunities into reality. It keeps you moving forward, focused, and capable of overcoming the challenges and obstacles that may come between you and your goals and dreams. Determination is the #1 quality that separates failure from success. Choose to integrate it into your life, develop it, cultivate it, and nurture it. After that, the sky’s the limit.
Cultivating self-determination skills is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Determination will help you gain control over your life and therefore it is an essential ingredient to your success.
As the famous psychologist Robert Sternberg said, success is about capitalizing on our strengths and compensating for our weaknesses. Learn to become aware of who you are and what your strengths and weaknesses are. Recognize them, and most importantly accept them. Knowing yourself truly, in all humility, will empower you in ways that will surprise you and that will give you the courage and the motivation to transcend what you think are your limits. By doing so, you will cultivate and strengthen your self-determination.
Dreams come true and goals are reached through action. Your feeling that you are in control of your life is essential for you to choose and take the right line of action to make things happen for yourself. Be aware of your strengths and make them work for you. Take charge and look ahead, never behind. Don’t give up and don’t give in when obstacles arise. See those obstacles as opportunities to reinforce your determination. Self-determination, like many other abilities, works pretty much like a muscle. The more you use it, the more it develops and the stronger it gets. So, go for it, grab every opportunity you can find to use your self-determination so you can reap all the benefits it has to offer.
When obstacles arise, or even pile up, when your determination is put to the test and you feel tempted to give up, remember a past win or a past achievement. Let that past win remind you of your capacity to overcome hurdles and of how you have succeeded in the past and made a difference somehow either for yourself or for someone else. This will reenergize your self-determination and propel you forward toward your dreams and goals.
Emotional flexibility is the ultimate tool you want to make sure you have in your “Best Life Skills” toolkit. It is an incredible adaptive skill essential to your well-being because it gives you the ability to adapt to any situation or circumstances. It helps you regulate your emotions, be comfortable with discomfort, and navigate uncomfortable situations without being overwhelmed. Charles Darwin said, “It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able to adapt to and to adjust best to the changing environment in which it finds itself.”
Emotional flexibility leads to resilience and resilience is a crucial skill that allows you to adapt to your circumstances and overcome hardships that may show up in your life. Emotional flexibility and resilience strengthen you and help you experience adversity without letting it define you. It’s essential to your capacity to adapt to the world around you. There are valuable ways for you to cultivate your emotional flexibility.
Emotional flexibility is about regulating our emotions. There is no better way for you to learn about emotional regulation than through the practice of mindfulness and meditation. Just 15 minutes of meditation per day have the potential to change your life and the way you relate to yourself and to your emotions. It will quiet your mind, make you feel more peaceful and relaxed and more resilient in the face of challenges. Mindfulness activities will develop your capacity to gain control over your emotions, which is priceless because it’s the first step toward gaining control over your life.
Avoid isolating yourself. Expand your horizons by meeting all kind of people from different cultures who have different traditions, opinions and beliefs. This will help you become open-minded, tolerant and flexible in your ways of thinking and interacting with the world and the people around you.
Engage in a physical activity that you truly enjoy and see if you can practice it daily, or at least as often as possible. Exercising is a powerful stress reducer that will help you let go of repressed feelings and emotions. It will clear your mind, calm you down help you regulate your emotions, think more clearly and make decisions from a place of full awareness.
Success in life and reaching goals depends heavily on decisions we make in real time. A single one of your decisions could change the course of your life, and self-confidence plays an important role in making that decision. Self-confidence frees you not only of self-limiting and negative thoughts, but also of fear and anxiety. It fosters mental strength and provides you with the energy and motivation you need to take action to reach your goals. Most importantly, it gives you the courage and the determination to be your authentic self, and that’s priceless.
We all have times when we feel more confident than others. Self-confidence plays a central role in our lives when it comes to being successful in life and reaching our goals. Cultivating and developing our self-confidence should be a priority for all of us because so much ensues from it.
What kind of company do you keep? How do your friends make you feel? Are they kind to you? Are they supportive of who you are and what you do? Do you feel empowered by their presence or, on the contrary, do you feel they are judging you or put you down? Any sort of relationship that brings you down and makes you feel bad about yourself is toxic in nature and will destroy your self-confidence instead of building it up. The people who surround you can influence your attitudes, your thoughts and the way you view and feel about yourself. This is why it’s so important to seek out the company of people who love you, care about you, respect you and bring out the best in you. Don’t ever settle for less.
Sometimes, a lack of self-confidence can make you avoid certain situations that scare you such as applying for a job or asking someone on a date. You may be in avoidance because you are afraid to make a fool of yourself or to mess things up. When this happens, remember that you always have the choice of how you perceive and approach the situation. You can indeed decide to see what’s going on as an opportunity to challenge what you believe to be your own limits. This will give you a chance to overcome your self-doubts and hesitations. It will boost your self-confidence and you will find yourself more willing to take on new challenges in order to reach your goals and dreams.
In order for you to feel good about yourself, you must learn to take care not only of your mind but also of your body. The mind-body connection is a very powerful feedback loop, therefore by taking care of your body you are also taking care of your mind and vice versa. Practicing self-care will naturally make you feel more confident. Here are a few ways for you to take care of your body that are conducive to increasing your self-confidence.
Happiness and joy are the stars of positive emotions. They are life transforming, literally. Research shows that happy people are more successful, enjoy better health, have a rich social life and more friends, have a positive outlook on life and healthier lifestyles, are more grateful, productive and creative, and last but not least, they live longer.
The time for you to be happy is NOW.
Cultivating happiness is undoubtedly one of the most powerful ways to change your life entirely from your physical and mental health to your social and professional life, and so much more. Below are a few ways for you to cultivate joy and happiness so they can become an integral part of your life and of who you are as a person.
This is one of the basic requirements to cultivating joy and happiness. This doesn’t mean that people suffering from an illness or a disability cannot be happy, far from it. But there are simple aspects of your health you have an easy control over and that can contribute significantly to your experiencing happiness. Those aspects are very straightforward and you are already aware of how important they are. All you have to do is choose to do what is necessary to improve them.
Did you know that there is a science of gratitude and that research is being conducted on the powerful link that exists between the practice of gratitude and happiness? Robert Emmons, professor at UC Davis, is a leading researcher on the science of gratitude. His popular research shows that counting our blessings reduces toxic emotions such as resentment, frustration and envy while improving overall well-being, increasing resilience, and reducing stress and depression. The bottom line is that gratitude effectively increases happiness, so let gratitude become a part of your life and embrace the happiness it will bring to you.
One way to do this, is to keep a gratitude journal in which, every evening, you write down three good things that happened to you during the day. It doesn’t have to be big things. In fact, it’s important that you train your mind to be grateful for the things we usually tend to take for granted such as being in good health, having food on your table, having caring family members and friends, and even for the fact that it was warm and sunny outside when you woke up this morning.
Were you aware that happiness is contagious? That’s exactly what research shows. Being around happy people will influence and even change your mood for the better. So, make a point to surround yourself with happy people and to distance yourself from negative and toxic people whose moods can also rub off on you.
Give yourself and others the gift of kindness and compassion. Research makes some powerful arguments in favor of kindness. Studies have shown that being kind is associated with greater feelings of happiness, wellbeing, and life satisfaction. It was also found to increase self-esteem, empathy, compassion and good mood. Choosing kindness for oneself and others is a very simple way to welcome happiness into your life.
Emotional vitality is this sense of positive life energy and aliveness that fills you up entirely and makes you feel fully engaged in that wonderful thing called Your Life. It is one of the five key strengths highly correlated with happiness and well-being. The other four strengths are curiosity, hope, gratitude, and the capacity to love and be loved.
In this ever changing and uncertain world where stress and pressure keep growing faster and faster, in order for us to have a chance to manage difficult situations, cope with adversity and fulfill our daily obligations, we need high levels of vitality.
A healthy body and mind are an absolute requirement to experiencing healthy levels of vitality. Take good care of your body and your mind – exercise at least one hour per day five times a week, feed your body with healthy foods and nutrients, get plenty of good quality sleep and take a break, a huge break, from your phone and social media. Your vitality will thank you for it.
Set up positive and constructive daily routines that you enjoy and that make you feel good and happy such as allocating 15 minutes every morning and/or evening to meditating on some peaceful and relaxing music, taking your dog for a walk in nature, drawing, crafting, keeping a gratitude journal or any other activity that puts a smile on your face and therefore energizes you and increases your vitality.
Feeling connected to the people you love will fill you with plenty of positive energy and make you feel good and alive. Fulfilling and positive relationships are essential to your mental health. They bring you support and comfort when you feel down, and they give you the strength and the motivation to overcome obstacles and cope with hardships. They have the power to keep your head above water in your darkest moments. The connection you have with the people you love and who love you is a true treasure.
You may have heard before the quote that says that what we think we become. In cognitive psychology, it is well known that our thoughts trigger emotions that, in turn, prompt our behaviors and actions. Basically, we are shaped by our thoughts which means that it is essential that we always be aware of the nature of our thoughts. Positive and energizing self-talk will cultivate your vitality while negative and toxic self-talk will deteriorate it.
A sense of purpose is born of the things that matter to you deep inside, that you believe in, and that you value greatly. The greatest gift a sense of purpose will give you is the chance to live by those values and thus to be true to yourself. You may discover your sense of purpose very early on or at a later stage in your life. It will be influenced and shaped by your life experiences and the people you meet. Not only will it connect you to your authentic self, but it will also become the ultimate driving force behind your striving for your goals. It will give you the strength and perseverance to pursue your dreams when faced with obstacles or adversity. Most importantly, it will remind you, every single day, of how precious, unique, and meaningful your life is.
It’s not always easy to feel a sense of purpose. There are times when you may feel aimless and when you’re not sure what the meaning of your life is. Don’t let those transitory feelings define your life. Just pause, breathe deeply, and remember that having a purpose in life has many benefits, a very valuable one being that it will keep you going when the going gets tough. So, don’t hesitate to cultivate a sense of purpose, which you can start doing today. It will require you to put some work into it but it’s very much worth it.
You may have noticed in the past that It’s difficult to engage in self-reflection and to find inspiration when your mind is overactive and all over the place. For you to discover your sense of purpose, your mind must be at peace and connected to the present moment instead of being wandering into the past or wondering about the future. The practice of mindfulness has the power to reconnect you to the Here and Now. It will calm and appease your mind and relax your body. This will allow you to create some inner space, a sort of pause in time that will help you see and approach things from a place of calmness and awareness. When in that state, you might be surprised to realize how your mind can provide you with some very creative ideas about what your sense of purpose in life may be.
Make a list of your interests and of all those activities or topics that excite you and resonate with you. When you’re done with your list, then it’s time for you to explore the items you wrote on it. Be curious about each item. Research them in depth. Read books, listen to podcasts, meet people with similar interests and passions. Broaden your horizons by expanding your knowledge of what excites you. Brainstorm about what you love to do and that resonates with you because sooner or later it will lead you to what you are looking for – your sense of purpose.
What kind of people do you hang out with? What sort of company are your friends? Do you enjoy being with them? Do they make you feel good, uplifted and inspired? Think seriously about this because research shows that being around positive, optimistic and confident people will actually rub off on you, and their positive energy might become a real source of inspiration for you. Conversely, if you surround yourself with negative and pessimistic people that drag you down, you might want to reconsider the company you keep. A sense of purpose is born from passion and it’s hard to feel passionate and purposeful when the people around you are not interested in making positive contributions.
Research conducted at Florida State University and Stanford showed that giving to others connected people in a way that made them feel they had a more purposeful life. Giving to others doesn’t necessarily mean doing something very significant. It’s a lot simpler than that. It could mean for you to volunteer for a non-profit organization, in a soup kitchen, in a shelter or in a retirement home. It’s about giving a little bit of yourself and of your time to people who are in need. It can also be about simply being kind to people around you on a day-to-day basis, and that can mean just smiling at a stranger in the street or at the grocery store.
Just try it and see how being kind and giving to others can render your life a lot richer and more meaningful.
Winston Churchill spoke of the incredible power of optimism in the following terms, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” A positive attitude is as essential to your life as the air you breathe. A pessimistic attitude will stop you and paralyze you at every turn, while a positive outlook will give you the energy, the grit, the self-confidence, and the inspiration you need to overcome, and most importantly, to learn from any challenging situation life may be throwing at you. Positivity is the cornerstone of your success and your happiness. It is like a powerful guiding light that will get you through pretty much anything in your life. It doesn’t grow on trees, however. It is something you must choose to acquire and integrate into your life. Don’t put it off, train your mind to think positively now, today. The rest of your whole life will thank you for it.
Have you ever taken the time to ask yourself whether you have a glass half-full of half-empty approach to life? Are you an optimist who sees the opportunity in every difficulty or a pessimist who sees the difficulty in every opportunity? If you tend to be the latter, then you should know that you are not doing yourself a favor. Indeed, research shows that pessimism can have a significantly negative impact on your physical and mental health. Just think about that and see if maybe now wouldn’t be a good time to reconsider the way you think about things and turn your pessimism into optimism. As you would expect, that positive thinking is not a magic wand that will make all your problems go away. What it will do, however, is make those problems seem more manageable and help you approach adversity in a more effective and constructive way.
Simple Ways to Cultivate Positivity in Your Life
Keep a thought journal.
In order to change your thoughts so they will be more positive and constructive, you first need to become aware of those thoughts. You just cannot change something you’re not even aware of. To help you with this, you may want to start a journal in which you will record in the evening the thoughts you remember having that day. It will allow you to keep track of your negative thoughts and to become aware of them. When you’ve identified them, try to label the negative emotions associated with your thoughts such as anger, frustration, fear, disgust, guilt, etc. Then try to identify how those emotions make you feel (i.e. sad, down, depressed, anxious, etc.) Becoming aware of the nature of your thoughts and being able to label them is the very first step you must take to change them.
Develop positivity by cultivating gratitude.
Pr. Robert Emmons from University of California Davis, conducted some famous research on the benefits of gratitude and showed that practicing gratitude can change your thought patterns in a significant way. It seems that when you’re actively appreciating the good things in your life, your mind doesn’t have any “room” left for negative thoughts. Your mind just cannot think positively and negatively at the very same time. In order to help you with your practice of gratitude, you can start a Gratitude Journal. Doing so was found to improve well-being, optimism and positivity. Try to write in your journal every evening and simply list two or three good things that happened to you that day. Think of people, situations, or things that made you feel good and uplifted. And while you’re at it, let those people know you’re grateful they’re in your life, and that you’re thankful for all the times they do nice things for you. It will brighten their day instantly as well as yours!
Ask yourself what kind of positive person would you like to be?
Make a list of the positive attitudes you’d like to have. Being positive can take many different forms. To help you identify the positive state of mind you’d like to adopt to replace your negative thinking, try to make a list of the kind of positive attitudes you’d like to have and make yours. Set some time aside and start writing your list. Be creative and open-minded. Imagine what the positive you would look like.
Here are a few examples (Jarrow, 2012) to help you jump start your list.
Being kind and friendly to people around you or people you don’t know.
Being a source of positive energy that lifts people around you.
Motivating people around you with positive words.
Being happy for someone else’s success or good fortune.
Complimenting people who have done something good or well.
Not letting negative people bring you down.
This list is not exhaustive. Add other attributes to it. The more positive attributes you can think of, the easier it’ll be for new ones to come to your mind thereafter. Write them all down and read them every day, if possible. As you generate new items to add to your list, you will notice how your mind gradually shifts in order to adopt those attributes you’d love to have.
Serenity is a state of calm and peacefulness that reflects one’s inner peace. In that state, you know how to control your thoughts, you enjoy a sense of balance and harmony between your body and your mind, and between your positive and negative emotions. This very desirable state usually translates into a deep feeling of happiness, and a sense of plenitude and satisfaction. The practice of mindfulness is one of the most powerful and effective ways to reach that state. Close your eyes…. Take a deep breath…. You’ve just taken your first step toward it.
We intuitively know that serenity is one important contributing factor to happiness. We all wish serenity was part of our life because it feels so good to feel truly calm and peaceful inside. Our intuition is right on target because studies show that serene people tend to enjoy life a lot more and are better equipped to cope with problems and challenges because they can remain calm and clear headed when dealing with them. Unfortunately, serenity will not just fall on your lap. It requires work and effort to achieve it but the rewards are so huge that it will make your efforts totally worth the effort.
If you haven’t already, you should think about looking into the treasures the practice of mindfulness can offer you. Mindfulness will show you the way to a more serene life.
Have you noticed how difficult it is to feel relaxed and peaceful in a place that is dirty and messy? It’s very unlikely that you will ever find serenity in the midst of chaos. A messy and cluttered home is a red flag and a sign of a disorganized and unstable mind. If you want serenity to become an integral part of your life, then start with you room and your home. Keep them neat, clean and pleasant to look at. What you want is enjoy being in your room because your surroundings are inviting, tidy and comfortable. You should always be able to feel at peace and relaxed in your home surroundings since that state of mind is indicative of how serene you feel inside.
The company you keep, the books you read, the TV shows and movies you watch, and of course social media, all play an important role in how you think and how you feel. Violence, whether physical or psychological, aggressiveness and negativity will affect you negatively, bring you down, make you feel anxious or even depressed. That is the exact opposite of feeling serene and peaceful. If you want serenity to be part of your life, then you’re going to have to rethink who and what you surround yourself with. Your mind will only find peace, quiet and serenity if you feed it those very same things. This means you may want to let go of the pessimistic and toxic people in your life, of violent and negative TV entertainment and books, and most definitely of some of the social media that’s out there and that can be mean, cruel, spiteful, degrading and even sometimes plain hateful. Be aware, and choose not to spend your free time feeding your mind with garbage just because it’s popular and that everybody else does it.
Ponder on this for a while, and then choose wisely.
It is said that, “where there is life, there is hope.” Such an accurate quote. Whereas most positive emotions will arise when we tend to feel safe, hope will actually show up when challenging events, uncertainty, and unpredictability strike. Contrary to what we may think, hope does not involve adopting a passive stance in the face of adversity, but instead taking a very active one, indeed. It implies having specific goals and a strong desire and plan to reach them.
Hope is a powerful antidote against despair because it helps you focus on the energy you need to cope with life’s challenges, and thus create the best possible life for yourself and others.
We all know how life can be challenging at times, so challenging indeed that we need to go very deep inside of us to find the strength we need to get us through those times of darkness and uncertainty. In those moments, it can be tempting to just curl up in a ball under the covers, cry, and feel sorry for ourselves. But how is that going to help? It certainly will not give us the strength we need to get through hard times. Strength is born of a whole different kind of attitude such as that of being hopeful. Hope allows us to project ourselves in the future in a positive manner so we can envision our life once the storm has passed. Hope is the very foundation of our survival in times of hardship. It helps us not fall into unhealthy ways of coping and gives us the inner resources to progress rather than regress.
In times of hardship and uncertainty, our brain generates all kinds of questions and worries. We can easily be overwhelmed with a multitude of why? how? what? and when? questions that make us feel stuck in our heads and rob us of our serenity and inner peace. Moreover, it makes it very hard for us to find a way out of difficult times when our mind feels that chaotic. Mindfulness and the practice of meditation are incredible tools that allow the mind to take a pause, calm down and return to the present moment. Meditation has this amazing capacity to quiet the mind and tame our thoughts so we can slow down, relax and maintain a sense of calm. When calmness is restored, it becomes a lot easier to think clearly and efficiently about potential solutions to the problems we are facing. This gives us the sense of hope we need to find the strength to overcome the adversity we may encounter.
Like the rest of us, you probably wish you had control over your life and its circumstances, especially when you’re facing challenging times. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Recognizing and, most importantly, accepting that many things are out of your control can help you gain a sense of peace because this kind of awareness will help you focus on the essential – what you can actually change as opposed to what you cannot change. There are plenty of things you can change and that will uplift you, make you feel more positive and give you a sense of hope in which you will tap to build the strength you need to cope with hardships.
Stay closely connected to and engaged with the people whose company uplifts you and makes you feel you can tackle the difficulties that may come your way. Whether those people are close friends or family members, try to spend as much time with them as possible even if you don’t really feel like to. When going through hard times, you may have the tendency to withdraw, isolate and even push people away. You must become aware of that tendency, resist it and fight it. The more isolated you are, the more helpless and “hope-less” you might feel. For hope to grow and give you the strength and resilience you need to overcome obstacles you may encounter, you have to make an effort and reach out to the people you care about and who will be there to love you and support you.
What is courage? Some of the most famous philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle referred to courage as being a virtue, a quality of the soul, an inner attitude that can be cultivated and shaped at will. It’s very important, however, to understand that courage doesn’t mean being fearless, not even remotely. Courage is about finding within yourself the motivation to take action despite the fear you may feel. It’s about facing and understanding what you’re afraid of, and then choosing to not let that fear dictate what you can or cannot do.
Being courageous is about taking chances, stepping outside your comfort zone, achieving your dreams in spite of obstacles, and creating the life you want for yourself.
Courage is a state of mind crucial to building a fulfilling and successful life for yourself. Yet, like any other positive emotion, it will require work, effort and determination to cultivate to make it a part of your life because it will demand of you to conquer one of your most dreaded emotions – fear.
Cultivating courage requires you to be aware of your strengths and talents as these will prove to be very useful when you decide to take chances and overcome obstacles in order to achieve your goals and dreams. Identify, acknowledge and be proud of your strengths. If you need a little bit of help to identify your talents, make a list of them. Think of what you love and are good at doing. Think of your achievements and your successes and recognize those skills and strengths of yours that made those accomplishments possible. Once you’ve identified your strengths, make sure to capitalize on them by using them as often as possible in order to help them grow and develop.
Some of our greatest leaders certainly knew a thing or two about courage, and their advice on the subject can prove to be valuable. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “Do one thing that scares you each day.” There is great value and wisdom in this quote when it comes to cultivating courage. Courage is about facing and overcoming your fears and what better way to do this than by taking on the challenge of doing one thing that scares you every day. If you’re not quite sure how to make this happen, just follow those simple steps:
It can be anything from trying a new food, talking to someone new you’d like to know better, asking that person on a date, applying for a summer job, to accepting doing a challenging solo at your dance competition, and so much more.
Make sure to begin with things that cause you low levels of fear and anxiety. If you start too big you might not get the results you’re hoping for and, as a result, you may become discouraged. Facing small fears to begin with will lead to small wins which will build your confidence to keep going. With time, your courage will grow and bring you the motivation you need to tackle bigger fears.
Come up with a list of daily things you can do that will force you out of your comfort zone. Assign to each action a specific date and time, and plan as many details as possible of how you will carry out this action. Such planning will help you stay on track and focused on the task at hand in case you become overly anxious or afraid.
Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy. It takes courage, for sure, but it doesn’t mean your efforts will necessarily be rewarded with success. Courage is also about accepting the possibility that you might fail or make mistakes. If you are constantly afraid of making mistakes, you will end up not wanting to even try. Your way out of this bind is to change the way you may be looking at failure and mistakes. Have you ever tried to see failure as a unique opportunity to learn about yourself and about a situation? Have you ever considered that failure can be a powerful teacher that shows you how to grow better and stronger as a human being? Such a novel perspective on life will give you the determination to persevere in the face of adversity, and that is true courage.
Do you already have a ton of things on your, “My Life to-do list?” Good, then make sure to add another one on it: “Feel satisfied.” You deserve to experience satisfaction and the sense of joy that comes with it. Feeling satisfied about your life will not only make you a lot more resilient in the face of stress, but it will also give your life meaning and a sense of purpose. Feeling satisfied is a gift that comes from the ability to be grateful for all the things you have and that are good in your life. Cultivating satisfaction will give you the precious capacity to feel happy in a sustained and long-lasting manner.
Life satisfaction is how we evaluate the quality of our life and how happy and satisfied we are with it. Therefore, life satisfaction and happiness are closely tied together. Since life satisfaction will have an impact on how happy you feel with your life, it’s important that you find constructive ways to cultivate it.
The ability to be grateful and thankful for the people and the things that make us feel good and happy in our life is truly powerful. Research on practicing gratitude shows that it increases positive emotions and reduces negative ones. Being thankful can help you focus your attention on the positive things in your life while letting go of what bothers you. This doesn’t mean that practicing gratitude will make all your problems disappear and make your life blissful. However, by increasing how satisfied you are with your life in general, you will approach challenging times in a different, more positive and constructive way.
Were you aware that research shows that people who cherish and nurture positive relationships experience a much higher sense of well-being, happiness and life satisfaction than people who don’t? We are social beings who thrive on quality relationships that nourish our mind, body and soul. High quality relationships uplift us and make us feel good, which leads to better physical and mental health. They also bring us closeness and a very precious support system in times of crisis. But like most things in life, excellent quality relationships take time and effort to develop and sustain. It’s up to you to put in the work that will bring beautiful relationships into your life and keep them there. The work it takes is not complicated but it requires consistency on your part.
Here are a few ideas on how to work on cultivating high-quality relationships:
Research has shown consistently that the energy and state of mind of people you surround yourself with will affect you and rub off on you. If you hang out with negative and pessimistic people you will come out of interactions with them feeling more negative and pessimistic yourself. The good news is that the opposite is also true. Being around positive and optimistic people will impact you in a positive manner. This means that surrounding yourself with people who experience healthy levels of life satisfaction will most likely increase the sense of happiness and satisfaction you have with your own life.
Practicing mindfulness comes with a whole range of benefits that have the power to improve your life in many ways. Increasing your levels of life satisfaction is one of them. Mindfulness activities will teach you how to live well-grounded in the present moment instead of in your head where your thoughts may be chaotically running the show. Not only will it help calm down your mind, clear your head and by doing so reduce stress and anxiety, but it will also show you how to become aware of what goes on inside and outside of you. This, in turn, will help you offset your mind’s tendency to focus on intrusive negative thoughts by becoming more aware of positive events and circumstances, and that is the very foundation of life satisfaction.
The emotional experience of inspiration and awe is beyond compare. It has the power to enhance everything around you in so many ways. It turns the ordinary into extraordinary, and it makes life more colorful and tastier by filling it with micro moments of pure joy and happiness. Such an emotional experience relies on your aptitude to find, recognize, enjoy, and marvel at beauty in all its shapes and forms. Let that beauty touch you and move you at the very core of your being. Now THAT, my friend, is happiness in its purest and most enduring form.
Given all the benefits associated with experiencing an awe-inspired life such as increased life satisfaction, better health, joy and contentment, it seems that taking the time to cultivate inspiration and awe in your life should be regarded as a priority.
Walking in nature will give you plenty of opportunities to experience awe. Research shows that nature excursions give us a chance to expand, quite considerably, our frame of reference and connect with things much greater than us.
For example, in one study conducted at the University of California at Berkeley, Paul Piff (Paul Piff et al. 2015) asked a random sample of participants to stare for one minute at towering eucalyptus trees while another group stared at a tall building. The results of the study showed that those who stared at the trees felt more awe and were more likely to help a person in need, showed greater ethical decision-making and reported less superiority to others. So, go out there and don’t hesitate to look at the natural beauty of a mountain, a lake, the ocean, wild animals, a sunset, or a moonrise. They will all fill you with awe if you just let them.
If you want to keep your awe-filled experiences alive and vivid in your mind, try keeping an awe journal. Recording your awe-inspiring experiences and writing about how they made you feel and what they’ve taught you about yourself and the world around you can be very powerful and soul transforming. Make sure to write about your experiences in great detail so when you read about them again you feel like you’re experiencing those awe-filled moments all over again and with pretty much the same intensity. Don’t hesitate to include photos and objects that will add visual stimuli to your writings. After a while, you might be surprised to realize that the more you record your awe-inspiring moments, the more they will bring you a sense of well-being and inner peace, and the more eager you will become to go out there and experience new ones. Welcoming awe into your life will feed your spirit and your soul in ways you may not even fathom.
If for some reason you are not able to go for walks in nature, there are other ways for you to have awe-inspiring experiences right in the comfort of your home.
Nowadays, the internet offers many options such as YouTube or Netflix where you can find movies, videos and documentaries capable of inspiring you and uplifting you.
Although they are part of the human experience, negative emotions can be particularly unpleasant, as we all know. However, scientists insist on the fact that, when well managed, they also play a key function in our well-being by helping us make sense of life’s ups and downs. Some of them can even play an important role in our survival (e.g., fear, anger, or overload) by warning us of a potential threat. Yet, when negative emotions are poorly managed or handled, they can have some rather harmful consequences for both our mental and physical health (chronic stress and distress) which can disrupt our body’s hormone balance, damage our immune system, and drain our brain chemicals necessary for us to experience happiness.
Let’s now take a closer look at some of the most common negative emotions your young person may be experiencing.
It’s a sort of feeling or thought that something is not quite right, it feels off and just doesn’t feel good mentally or physically. It makes them feel unsettled and wanting to make it go away, one way or the other. It’s unpleasant but it’s usually not intense.
Discomfort can be telling them something about how they are reacting to their present situation or thought process. It’s asking them to pay attention to what they are really feeling uncomfortable about. Is it boredom, embarrassment, or impatience?
It’s one of the fundamental human emotions we all experience when faced with the threat of harm, either physically or emotionally, real or imagined. Traditionally, fear is regarded as a “negative emotion” but it actually serves an important role in keeping us safe.
Fear is alerting them of a potential and imminent threat. It’s telling them to focus and be ready to act in the face of danger, if that danger is real. If the threat is imagined, it’s telling them to reevaluate their perception and interpretation of a situation. Learning to cope with the fear of an imagined threat is an invitation to grow as a person.
The feeling of hurt is a form of emotional pain not caused by physical sources. Hurt usually is the result of the actions or words of others that cause emotional distress, such as feeling unhappy, sad, or betrayed. Emotional pain should be taken seriously because it can have a significant impact on mental health (e.g., deep sorrow, depression, grief, negative emotions, shame, worthlessness) and physical health (e.g., headaches, muscle pain, nausea, dizziness, stomachache, or gastrointestinal upset).
Emotional pain/hurt invites them to explore its meaning and causes. These are often associated with the actions or the words of people around them. Finding the meaning of their emotional hurt will give them the motivation to consider or reconsider their relationship to certain people, to improve or let go of those relationships, and to heal so they can move towards a happier future.
Anger reveals a deep need for control when you feel you’re lacking control over what’s happening to you. It makes you feel in charge rather than helpless when you feel frustrated, invalidated, or treated unfairly. It’s a natural and mostly automatic response to perceived threats. It has a survival value because it provides you with a perceived sense of control, but it can become a problem if you don’t manage it in a healthy way. However, when well-managed and expressed with discernment, anger can motivate us to solve problems, drive us toward our goals, and protect our values and beliefs.
Anger is telling them that they are in a situation that makes them feel powerless and that they are converting their feelings of vulnerability and helplessness into feelings of control and power. Anger is often experienced as a way to avoid acknowledging the painful feelings associated with vulnerability.
Frustration is a common emotion that we all encounter on a regular basis. It usually shows up in situations when we feel blocked from reaching a desired outcome. When we reach our goals, we feel pleased and excited, but when we are prevented from reaching them we tend to give in to frustration and we may feel irritable, and sometimes even annoyed and angry. And as experience teaches us, the more important the goal, the greater the frustration.
Frustration is telling them that the efforts and actions they’re applying to a situation are not producing the results they think they should. Simply put, your young person is not getting what they want, and that can be very frustrating.
This emotion is often described as a form of sadness, accompanied by a feeling of loss that arises when there is a gap between our expectations and reality. We feel disappointed when our hope for something we wanted has been defeated. When it comes to disappointment, the intensity of this emotion depends on several factors: how important the thing we wanted is, how long we’ve been waiting for that thing, and how definitive the outcome is.
There is nothing pleasant about being disappointed, but if they’re open to it, this emotion can provide them with very important information about themselves, their beliefs, the people around them, and what they think would make them happy.
Guilt is a powerful emotion experienced by all of us at one point or another. It’s often associated with a sense of responsibility and remorse when we are convinced that we caused harm either through our actions, our thoughts, or our spoken words. This emotion makes us feel like we’ve fallen short of some standard we wish we had lived up to.
Although guilt is mostly regarded as being a negative emotion, it can also be seen in a more positive light because it can motivate us to learn from painful experiences and change our behavior. However, it’s important to stay vigilant and aware of what’s going on so we don’t let guilt bring us down or impede our progress by paralyzing us. Once again, awareness is the key to finding that balance.
Well managed, the emotion of guilt is telling them that they did something wrong or hurtful and that they need to do something to make amends and repair a relationship that matters to them. It’s an invitation to grow as a person. On the other hand, if poorly handled, guilt will only cause them to feel badly about themselves for reasons that are not always legitimate.
Develop their awareness through the practice of mindfulness. It will help them put a name on their feelings and figure out whether their guilt is appropriate, and if it is, what purpose it serves.
Support them in taking responsibility for their actions and apologizing right away in an unconditional manner. Don’t let them try to shift blame onto other people. Being able to say “I’m sorry” takes courage and shows strength of character.
Help them accept that they did something wrong, forgive themselves, learn from their mistakes, and move on. Don’t let them dwell on the past.
Encourage them to change their behavior and remember that guilt can strengthen their resilience, help them grow, and build their confidence that they will make better choices in the future.
The emotion of inadequacy will show up in our life if we feel we are “too much” or “not enough” of something. As opposed to many other emotions, the sense of inadequacy is not innate. We acquire this emotion through our life experiences and other types of emotions. We must always remember that the feeling that we are not “good enough,” whatever the reason, is not necessarily objective even if it feels like an absolute truth to us. It’s a subjective interpretation and a learned response that often finds its roots in our past experiences. It is the ultimate illustration of the saying “We are our own worst enemy.”
Inadequacy could be telling them that they are comparing themselves to others in a way that may be subjective, and most of the time, completely distorted. It could also be telling them that someone in their life is making them feel inadequate by making hurtful or demeaning comments about them. The problem in this case is that the moment your young person buys into those comments, they are giving their personal power away to whoever made them, and that should always be avoided. Their personal power belongs in one place only, and that is in their own hands.
Emotional overload/overwhelm may be experienced when some of our emotions become so intense that we feel we can’t cope or manage them anymore. These emotions whose intensity builds over time may be caused by prolonged stress, adversity, traumatic life experiences (e.g., chronic bullying), or a life-threatening accident.
People who experience emotional overload/overwhelm might see their ability to think and act rationally be significantly affected. They often have difficulties focusing on and performing daily tasks. They also tend to withdraw from their friends and family and see their feelings of intense grief penetrate many areas of their life. Emotional overload/overwhelm should not be ignored in the hopes that it will go away on its own, because if left unaddressed, it can have serious repercussions not only on our mental health (anxiety and depression), but also on our physical health (e.g., persistent fatigue, loss of appetite, and sleep disturbances).
The message here is simple — your young person has a very, very full plate or they’ve been through some highly stressful event(s), and their mind has reached its limits when it comes to its ability to cope in an effective and healthy manner. It’s urgent for your young person to be very kind to themselves and to take good care of both their body and their mind.
Loneliness is an emotion experienced by all of us from time to time. Although each and every one of us experiences it differently and for different reasons, a well agreed upon description of it is the feeling that our needs for social contacts and meaningful relationships are not being met. Certain life events are well known for triggering a deep sense of loneliness, such as a breakup, the death of a loved one, moving to a new area, or going to college. However, by experience we know very well that loneliness is not necessarily the same as being alone. Sometimes we are surrounded with plenty of people and yet we still feel lonely and isolated.
The problem is that when we are lonely we tend to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. We crave for meaningful social contacts but because of our state of mind, we can find it difficult to connect with other people. Loneliness is a painful emotion that shouldn’t be dismissed or overlooked because of the negative consequences it can have on our mental and physical health, such as depression, anxiety, altered cognitive and brain functions, and substance use.
This emotion is telling them that their needs for closeness and belonging are not being met, and that their relationships are not emotionally fulfilling or are inadequate. Loneliness alerts them that it is time for them to take necessary action to cultivate relationships that are more in tune with who they truly are, or that it is time to let go of the pain associated with a loss, such as a breakup. It is easier said than done of course, but your young person should be reminded of the Chinese proverb that says, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Whether they need to let go of a painful situation or meet new people, it’s important that they choose to take that first step. They might be surprised how easily the next steps will follow.
Anxiety is a very common emotion that we all experience at some point in our life. It is characterized by an amplified and chronic state of tension and worry that may be caused by either a specific situation or no apparent reason. Anxiety is often accompanied by different symptoms, such as muscle tension, fatigue, headaches, and nausea, but also irritability, difficulty concentrating, lack of energy, loss of motivation, and sometimes even depression. It’s important, however, to understand that anxiety is also at the heart of an adaptive and protective system all humans benefit from. It alerts us of and protects us from future potential threats in our environment and helps us mobilize our resources to face such threats. Problems arise when we experience excessive amounts of anxiety due to intense stress that overwhelms the adaptive function of this emotion, thus creating disruptions in our life because our coping abilities are being overtaxed.
Anxiety is like an alarm system that’s telling them that something important is going on. Although it’s not a very pleasant emotion, it warns them of a potential danger and helps them respond to that danger. Getting rid of their ability to feel anxiety would be as problematic as losing their ability to feel pain. It would make them physically and emotionally vulnerable. But too much of it will also cause them distress. It’s all about finding the right balance.
Sadness is one of the seven universal emotions described by Darwin in 1872 and experienced by all human beings. This emotion is very much associated with grief, a sense of loss, and the wish that things could be different and better. The causes of sadness can be very varied and often results in the loss of hopes, dreams, or expectations. This sense of loss and grief may be mild, strong, or anywhere in between. It can come and go without warning. At times, it may make us feel tearful, empty, or hopeless, and cause us to feel irritable or frustrated over the smallest things. In and of itself, the emotion of sadness is completely normal and is part of our human condition, but when it becomes too frequent or overwhelming, it is essential to find ways to restore balance and inner peace.
Although sadness is regarded as a negative emotion, it serves the important purpose of alerting them that they need to receive help, support, and comfort. It should never be ignored or dismissed since sometimes it may be a symptom of depression or an anxiety disorder. When feelings of sadness become too strong, reaching out for help and practicing self-care should become a priority for your young person.
We all have experienced feeling disconnected or withdrawn at some point in our life. When we feel this way, it seems more difficult to fully engage with or relate to our own feelings or those of others. This means, for example, that it may be difficult for us to identify and name our own emotions, that it’s hard for us to feel deep emotions toward someone we love, or that we’re just generally feeling “empty.” It can be a temporary state due to extreme stress, or a more lasting condition.
How do we get to feeling that way? One reason worth mentioning is that we live in a world of modern technology and innovation, which in appearance, promises us to stay more connected and informed than ever before. And yet, why do so many of us experience the exact opposite? The unintended consequence of modern technology is that our interactions with others have become much like “drive-thru” experiences that lack depth, meaningfulness, and often compassion and kindness.
Feeling disconnected and withdrawn is alerting them that they may be losing their sense of self, and that they can’t connect to other people in a healthy and positive manner anymore. It’s telling them that they’ve become disconnected from their own life, going through it in an “automatic pilot” mode, as if they were observing it from the outside. Feeling disconnected may also be telling your young person that for any given reason, they are in a place where they don’t want to feel their emotions anymore in order to avoid emotional pain. This is called a defense mechanism. They don’t have to go through life feeling this way. They need to trust that things can change and that they can feel again. It’s time for your young person to reconnect and love their life.
Feeling desperate is often associated with the feeling that our current situation is so bad that there is nothing we can do to make it better, that all hope to reach our goals is lost, or that we can’t prevent something bad from happening. Desperation is often experienced together with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. These make us feel cut off and disconnected from our friends and family. Our mind may feel clouded with negativity; we lack mental strength, motivation, and hope. We also may feel alone and unable to cope appropriately.
It is important to understand that the thoughts that fuel desperation are just that — thoughts. They are neither tangible nor real. They deceive us into thinking that they are the reflection of reality and that nothing can “save” us from feeling this way. That is simply not true.
The message here is that they are not in control of their thoughts that are running the show and that are dragging your young person down a spiral of negativity that seems endless. This perceived sense of powerlessness is alerting them that they are in a sort of disagreement with themselves. There is something they really want in their life, but their unconscious may be telling them stories about how they can’t have that valued thing because they’re either not good enough, they don’t deserve it, or because they’re never lucky anyway. Whatever the reason their mind comes up with, your young person’s thoughts are standing in your young person’s own way. They feel defeated from the get go, and therefore they see defeat as the only possible outcome.
Develop their awareness so they can easily identify feelings of desperation when they arise. Remind them that they can only change the things they are aware of. Awareness is key.
Don’t let their feelings of desperation take over their life. They can breathe and meditate to restore peace and quiet in their body and their mind. As long as there is chaos and loud chatter in their head, they will not be able to relax and have the clarity of mind necessary for them to be open for a solution to come to them and recognize it when it does show up.
Revive the spark of hope. Don’t let them ever give in to the fear that all hope is lost. There is always a way out of any situation. Hope brings inner peace and inner peace will empower and inspire them.
According to Dr. Robin Stern, jealousy is an emotion a person feels when they are fearful of losing someone, something, or a relationship that is important to them. When it comes to jealousy, the situation usually involves at least three main participants: the person who is jealous, the person or the thing they are afraid of losing, and the person or persons they are jealous of because they represent a threat to whatever relationship is concerned. Jealousy is a negative emotion in and of itself, and it can easily snowball and lead to other negative emotions such as fear, distrust, or anger.
Feeling jealous tells your young person that there is a part of them that requires their attention and some introspection. It’s also telling them that they need to work on a specific relationship or on some aspect of that relationship. Jealousy can also signal to you that they may be struggling with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, or with trust issues. No matter the situation, it should not be disregarded or ignored because, if left unaddressed, it can become toxic and breed fear of betrayal, distrust, and suspicion. This can eventually cause irreparable damage to the most beautiful relationships.
Feelings of shame arise when we think other people know something about us that we don’t want them to know because it would reflect badly on us. The thing we don’t want people to know is usually something that is an integral part of us, such as an aspect of our personality, a flaw, a failure, or anything else we think makes us unworthy and unlovable. Shame is also associated with our having acted in a way that is considered morally reprehensible and that is looked down upon by people or society in general. It can be experienced quite intensely and may lead us to think very negatively and harshly about ourselves. This is why people who experience shame often do all they can to hide what they’re ashamed of. They usually feel small, humiliated, exposed, and unworthy of love and belonging.
Feelings of shame are telling them something very important about their core beliefs about themselves. One of those beliefs is that there is something very wrong with them as a person. Shame, however, should not be confused with guilt. Feelings of guilt are about feeling bad about having done something wrong, while shame is about feeling bad about being wrong and defective in some way at the very core of you. Feelings of shame are alerting your young person that they may be experiencing some difficulties with their sense of self-esteem and their sense of self-worth, which could be a consequence of past experiences.
When we use gendered phrases like, “hey guys” or “ladies and gentlemen” to address a group, we’re sending a signal about who is and isn’t included. If I refer to someone whose pronouns we don’t know using words like, “girl, boy, man, woman,” I run the risk of misgendering them and potentially outing them as transgender.
Gender neutral language enables us to refer to nonbinary people and talk about people without specifying their gender. We can address a group in a way that makes everyone feel included. This is good for us all — no matter our gender! To learn more about using gender-inclusive language click here.
Educating yourself is the first step to becoming an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community. Making some simple changes to the words you use can have a big impact!
Self-awareness is the key. How can you change or improve any aspect of your life if you are not aware that this part of your life requires attention? Self-awareness is essential because it gives you a better understanding of yourself, including your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and motivations. It empowers you to make changes and build on your areas of strength as well as identify areas where you want to make improvements. It is the first step to developing your mental strength.
Some ways to develop your self-awareness:
Between your hectic schedule, your phone constantly calling for your attention, and the pressure to be productive, there seems to be little room for quiet time in your life. Setting aside 10 or 15 minutes a day to be alone with your thoughts is essential to building your mental strength. It’s a choice, and thus it’s your choice to make time for quiet reflection in your day. Doing so is an important and integral part of growth and renewal. It reduces stress and restores mental wellness.
Quiet reflection allows your brain to rest and helps you pay attention better. It also gives you a chance to turn down the inner noise and increase awareness of what matters most. It cultivates mindfulness through recognition and appreciation of the present moment. Why would you want to deprive yourself of such a positive way to develop your mental strength?
Some ways to make time for quiet reflection:
Stepping outside your comfort zone is another step toward developing your mental strength. Have you ever heard the quote, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” (Walsh, n.d. )? So, what does it mean to step outside your comfort zone? It means doing things that you are not comfortable with doing. It encourages you to test what you believe to be your limits and discover that those limits are often self-imposed. They are not necessarily a reflection of what you are actually capable of.
Remember that taking risks, regardless of their outcome, are growth experiences that will enrich your mental strength. Every time you try something new, and allow yourself to be open to whatever experience arises, you are learning and expanding your repertoire of life skills and self-knowledge. As a result, you also expand the size of your comfort zone and you become better equipped to deal with new challenges. You also become more productive, more adaptable to change, and a lot more creative. Try it and see for yourself!
A few ways to step out of your comfort zone:
Did you know that scientists have been studying the practice of gratitude very closely? What have they found? Research shows that practicing gratitude on a daily basis can:
All those benefits are crucial to the development of mental strength, therefore you should practice gratitude without the slightest hesitation.
Some ways you can practice gratitude:
Self-compassion and being kind to yourself should never be confused with self-pity. Kindness toward oneself is simply recognizing that life can be difficult at times and that you need to do things to make life a little easier. That is not a bad thing.
Just as important as it is to be kind to others, it’s equally important to practice kindness toward yourself. This is the power of acceptance and growth. Being kind to yourself was found to promote happiness and confidence, not to mention that how you treat yourself sets the tone for how others will treat you. Studies show that self-compassion helps your brain function more efficiently and improves your immune system. Positive self-talk boosts your self-esteem and sense of self-worth, which can empower and motivate you to turn a bad day into a good day. That is a sign of mental strength. In light of all these benefits, it certainly does not hurt to give self-compassion a try, does it?
Try these ways to be kind to yourself:
Taking care of your body helps you care for your mind. That’s a golden rule. Mental and physical health are very closely linked. One often affects the other. It’s the body-mind connection. Studies show that your physical health has huge impacts on how you feel, how your mind functions, and your emotions. Taking care of your body means increased energy levels, a better ability to accomplish your daily goals, and an increased capacity to handle daily problems and challenges that arise in your life. It also helps you concentrate on any given task, which means that your tasks will take less time to complete. It also influences your decision-making skills. Do you see how taking care of your body and your health will be a huge asset in your efforts to develop your mental strength?
Some good ways for you to take care of your body:
As you now know, mental strength is crucial to reaching your goals. One way to cultivate your mental strength is to take a first step toward your dreams. Mental strength and taking steps toward achieving dreams do feed into each other. It’s a very powerful feedback loop. As you take those first steps you may feel afraid as you are stepping out of your comfort zone. That’s completely normal. But as you climb past the first small steps that you set for yourself you will feel less anxious, more confident, and more comfortable pushing your boundaries. You will also learn to be realistic, humble, and to set achievable deadlines for your dreams. This will help you avoid unnecessary failures that could discourage you from moving forward. And as a result of all this, your mental strength will grow bigger and stronger.
Some ways to take a step toward your dreams:
For caregivers who have young people that struggle with anxiety, the creation of a personalized Anxiety Relief Tool Kit can make a world of a difference. These kits place relief at your young person’s fingertips wherever they may be.
When put together in a thoughtful way, they have the ability to help a person stay in control of their anxious symptoms. Your young person’s kit can be a small bag that they keep in their purse or backpack. It can also be a box or a small mint tin. Really, it can be whatever they want it to be. The point is to keep all of the parts together in an easily accessible space.
They can make multiple versions of their Anxiety Relief Tool Kit and keep them in special places like their desk at school, the car, or anywhere else they frequent.
Everyone can have a toolkit, including young children. Helping a child to put together a toolkit that they can use at home, in school, or in any other setting that causes them anxiety can be a powerful way to empower them to cope with their anxiety and set them up for success when dealing with anxiety as they grow into young adults.
In order to make an Ultimate Anxiety Relief Tool Kit, your young person will need to make sure they have something to engage each of their senses.
Rubik’s cubes are great for this! They engage your young person’s mind and hands in an activity that undoubtedly will divert their anxious energy.
Fidget toys such as this ingenious cube consolidate multiple fidget worthy activities into one item. Roll a ball. Click some buttons. Rotate a joystick. It is so awesome because it is small and discrete. As a result, it allows the user the ability to fidget and take out their anxious energy in almost any setting.
In addition, stress balls, pencil toppers, velcro, pipe cleaners, and poster tack or Play Doh can all be great anxiety relief tools.
Anything with texture, such as a soft towel or blanket are nice for your young person to hold on to and rub between their hands or fingers. Depending on how big their particular tool kit is, they may need to cut whatever material they choose down to an appropriate size. They may find they like having a small one for school/work and a larger one for home.
Engaging their sense of smell can be so helpful! Smells, especially ones that remind us of pleasant memories are known to help calm anxiety.
Have your young person think back to a time when they felt really serene and calm. Where were they? What did they see? Most importantly for this exercise: what were they smelling? If possible, ask them to try to pinpoint that smell. Describe it. Then, brainstorm ways to capture it and have it in their tool kit.
If they can’t pinpoint a smell. Or, if the smell they remember is impossible to recreate, try some of these:
Many scents can be found in the form of oils, soaps, lotions, and of course in other organic states. Lotions and oils in particular can engage more than one sense if they decide to put some on. For scents that come in more organic forms like flowers, loose powders, or spices, they may need to find vials or jars to keep them in.
Most of us carry around our phones. Having a specific playlist that your young person creates with songs that they know help to calm them down is a powerful way to get rid of anxiety. Music heals and has the power to take us away while keeping us present. So, in their tool kit they may want to make sure they have headphones for when the occasion arises.
Any visual representations of things that make them feel calm are great antidotes to anxiety. If looking at pictures of particular family members is what keeps them calm then they should have those handy!
For some young people it may be that looking at serene landscapes in nature takes them to their calm place. Maybe it is a photo of oneself or someone else engaging in an activity that they know takes them to their calm place. Rock climbing? Yoga? Swimming? Gardening?
Using an online photo service is a cheap and convenient way to get pictures of any kind printed. Mpix is just one of these. Of course, their camera roll may be their go-to.
Many people use linear movement such as walking, rocking, or swinging to calm them. Have them try using a rocking chair, going for a walk, or swinging. Others also find deep pressure input such as hugs, weighted blankets, lap pads, jumping, or putting a heavier item like a book or bag on their laps helps with anxiety. Your young person can also provide some slow calming deep pressure to the top of their head with their hands when overwhelmed. They may even find they like both rocking and deep pressure at the same time!
Eating to relieve anxiety can be a slippery slope for some. However, there are some foods that are known to have calming effects on people. The following can easily be slipped into your young person’s Ultimate Anxiety Relief Tool Kit and stored for longer periods of time.
Other foods that they may want to consider taking with them as they leave their house are:
Compiling their Ultimate Anxiety Relief Tool Kit should be fun for your young person because it is literally all about them! Also, it helps them to bring to the forefront of their mind things that help them feel better. Not only that, they will feel more in control. After all, who doesn’t like to feel calm and relaxed? Anxiety doesn’t stand a chance when their kit is stockpiled with their best kept secrets!
Using more than one tool from their tool kit at a time can help if they are feeling very anxious. So, if they are in a place where it is possible to pull multiple things out, they should do it! For example, they may want to put their headphones on and listen to some music, then put some great smelling lotion on their hands, and play with a fidget tool. Although, if they are only feeling a little anxious, perhaps being mindful as they put on some tingly delicious smelling chapstick is all that they need. For more information about anxiety and other mental illness conditions click here.
Self-worth is a measure of how much you respect yourself. It is not determined by what others think of you or the accomplishments you have made — it comes from within. You are inherently worthy and can give yourself the love you desire. It is a choice you can consciously make everyday and with practice it will get easier.
Self-acceptance is probably the greatest gift you can offer yourself. Self-acceptance is unconditional: it means accepting you as you are, faults and all. If we make self-acceptance or self-love conditional, the reality is that we will never be satisfied with ourselves.
The truth is that our bodies are continuously evolving and will never be the same as they were the day before. If we put our self-worth on something as fluid as our appearances, we will perpetually ride the emotional roller coaster of body preoccupation and humiliation.
If you want to alter your appearance, do it for yourself. However, keep in mind that your body image should not determine your value. A lovely body or a gorgeous face will not last forever nor change the way you truly feel about yourself inside. If your self-worth is based only on how you look, then imagine how your self-worth could change from day to day. Explore self-worth beyond the boundaries of your appearance. Once you understand who you are and are content with that, you can find serenity even while you navigate life’s unavoidable highs and lows.
The most important thing to remember and repeat to yourself is that you are already whole. You are unique and you are enough just the way you are.
What should I do if I think a friend is considering suicide?
To help your friend or relative, talk to them and encourage them to open up.
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