Here’s how to guide your tween or teen through the trickier aspects of digital life and online spaces.
If you didn’t grow up as a digital native, keeping your preteen or teen safe online might feel intimidating or impossible. They’ve only known a world with multiple devices and instant internet access. How could you possibly keep up?
But even if it seems that their understanding of the digital world is more sophisticated than yours — after all, they can set up a new device in under 30 seconds and text in ever-evolving slang — it’s still vital to emphasize the importance of online safety and privacy. The digital world is constantly evolving, and in wildly unpredictable ways; the guardrails and boundaries for your preteen or teen should evolve, too.
6 Tips to Starting The Internet Safety Conversation
Starting the conversation now will create a foundation to build on as their relationship to online spaces changes — and will help them develop good judgment for the future. Here’s how to approach a conversation about digital safety and privacy.
1. Talk About Their Online Interests
Get curious about their online interests. What social media platforms are they obsessed with? Which ones are old news or just not interesting? What shows up on their feed? Which games do they play, and why those? (Ask them to show you or teach you how to play.) Do they follow any creators or influencers?
Expressing genuine, nonjudgmental interest will make them more likely to share with you. Knowing more about their online world will deepen your offline connection, too — and will give you a sense of any potential future pitfalls.
2. Educate About Sex and Relationships At Home & Offline
Tackle the tough stuff at home first. The internet might be the last place you want your preteen or teen to seek out answers about sex and relationships. But in the absence of open and accurate information from caregivers, it’s the first place teens will go.
Even if you’re a trusted source for information around sex, there’s a good chance they’ll look online anyway. To some extent, it’s unavoidable.
Focus on mitigating potential misunderstandings about sex, sexuality, and what actual bodies look like, and talk openly and honestly about pornography — why it’s dangerous, and why a warped view of sex can impact them in the future.
If you’re their primary source of information about sex and they trust you with their questions and curiosities, they’ll be better equipped to avoid dangerous situations, both online and off.
3. Talk About Your Family Values
Center your conversations around values. If you’re clear about your own values online — for instance, prioritizing digital wellness and being a good digital citizen — you’ll help your preteen or teen understand and verbalize theirs.
Knowing your values will help them make sense of your boundaries around online usage. Understanding the reason behind a rule and linking it to a value you both hold will make them more likely to follow it.
4. Talk About Limiting Screen Time
Set limits around screen time and usage — and explain why. Decide how much screen time is okay with you and where devices are allowed in the house, so they understand what’s expected.
Maybe phones aren’t allowed during class or in their bedrooms overnight. Maybe the family commits to screen-free meals. You might want to consider requiring that laptops, tablets, and computers be kept and used in common spaces, like a living room, where online activity can be easily monitored.
5. Define an Online “Friendship”
Since games and social media offer direct connections to strangers, make it clear that you expect their online friends to be people they know in real life. Clarify what’s okay and appropriate to talk about online and remind them that nothing is ever truly private on the internet.
6. Let Them Know It’s Okay to Make Mistakes
Reassure them that if they ever run into difficulty online, they can come to you — even if they’ve made a mistake or have broken a rule around safety. Communicating openly is the most valuable “monitoring” you can do, by far — and more effective than filtering, blocking, or monitoring software can ever be.
Explore More About Online Safety for Teens
Learn how to help protect your preteen or teen online. BLOOM is here to help, whether you are looking for tips on tech security tips to protect them online, tips on screen time, or even in-depth and personalized Q&As and workshops. Raising young people is hard enough. We are here to help demystify and provide support!
If you become aware of any dangerous behavior or content involving your teen — cyberbullying, predatory/exploitative behavior or enticement, or sexting — get help. Report the incident or troubling content to the website or platform, the cell phone and/or internet provider, law enforcement, and, when appropriate, the Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s CyberTipline.
