*This article was created with the full BLOOM team and multiple experts, as outlined below.
As a caregiver, communication with your teen is crucial to the bond and relationship that you hold with your child. Communication can help them grow and develop as individuals. However, what many of us know intuitively is that communication with our young people becomes more complicated as they get older.
Talking to your teen about mental health can be difficult, but it’s important to create an open and supportive environment where they feel comfortable talking to you about their feelings. While there is no one-size-fits-all way to communicate, the main principles are true throughout. Approach your mental health check ins with trust, respect, transparency, and an understanding of culture.
Where to Start the Conversation
Create and cultivate a space where questions are welcome, honesty is invited, and vulnerability is cherished. Intentionally cultivating a space and time for you and your teen to connect and continuously get to know one another serves many purposes — including developing a deeper deeper connection with them. It will also come in handy during those inevitable tough moments or times when difficult questions must be asked. In a safe space, communication is much easier.
When & How to Start the Conversation
Once you’ve cultivated that space, you can periodically ask your teen questions about their mental health and their experiences in the world.
Do a Mental Health Check In
Here are some great questions to ask them to gauge how they are doing with their mental health.
- If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?
- What do you need me and the other adults in your life to know about you right now?
- How can I support you right now?
- How can I advocate for you?
- Do you feel like you want or need someone besides me to talk to about stuff?
Scaling questions are great too! With scales you can compare the answers to previous questions to know if things have gotten better or if they have gotten worse. Have 0 mean no or minimal and 10 mean maximal.
- On a scale of 0-10, how sad do you feel right now?
- On a scale of 0-10, how worried are you about different things in life?
- On a scale of 0-10, how well supported do you feel by me?
- On a scale of 0-10, how happy are you at school?
- On a scale of 0-10, how well understood do you feel by me?
When to Reach Out for Support
Remember, asking questions is important but not more important than your teen’s comfort and emotional safety. When young people are struggling with their mental health, they may have difficulty answering these questions, as they may be feeling all jumbled up inside.
Some signs of this are: limited eye contact, answering questions with “I don’t know,” or becoming emotional when you ask these questions. These could be signs that they need some time to process. If that’s the case, don’t push it, and try again another time. You may also want to give them a selection of concepts to choose from (“Are you feeling angry, sad, or frustrated?”)
If you are still hitting a wall, it may be a good idea to connect them with a therapist who they may feel more comfortable opening up to, not because you are not an amazing caregiver, but more so because they need someone completely unbiased and neutral to talk to.
How to Start Talking About Mood Disorders & Depression
*This section was written by BLOOM’S expert, Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
Before you start a conversation with your teen, remember that it is essential that your voice be gentle, calm, and reassuring when you talk to them. Your peaceful voice and presence will make them feel safe and will help them open up to you. A good and straightforward way to start a conversation with your teen is by letting them know what you’ve observed or noticed.
- “I noticed that you’ve been feeling sad and a little withdrawn recently. Is there anything going on that’s making you feel that way?”
- “I noticed that you’ve been getting angry more easily lately. I really would like to understand what’s going on. Will you tell me more about what’s happening?”
- “You seem really stressed these days. Are you okay? I’m right here if you ever want to talk.”
- “You know, it’s normal to feel stressed/irritable/sad/tired at times, but if you end up feeling that way all the time then it would be a good thing for us to talk about it. Things don’t have to be this way and there are ways for you to feel better.”
- “I noticed that you seem a little depressed/sad/tired lately. Is that how you feel at the moment? Would you like to talk about it? or I want you to know I’m here for you if you need to talk.”
Read more about mood disorders in teens, and how you can support your teen.
How to Start Talking About Trauma
*This section was written by BLOOM’S expert Dahyana P. Schlosser, PMHNP-BC
What is trauma? Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can have lasting negative effects on mental, physical, and emotional health.
If you think your teen is experiencing or has experienced trauma, ask them to tell you what they are thinking and feeling. Make sure you validate their experience and show them that you understand what they have been through.
Next, ask them what they need from you or the other adults around them to start on the road towards healing. Therapy is a great suggestion, but not always one that is fully embraced right away, so it may take some time. Ultimately, therapy would be the best route to take for them to reach the pinnacle of healing from their traumatic experience.
- “I love you. I’ve noticed that you are struggling because you are yelling a lot at me, your little brother, and even the dog. I know it has been hard since the accident for you and I’m concerned. I want us to work together to figure out a solution.”
- “I’m hoping we can talk a little about everything that has been going on. I know it’s been hard on you with the divorce, and you are having a hard time navigating it. I’ve seen how you’ve changed in the last few months and I know you are trying different ways to feel better. What can I do to help you?”
- “I just wanted to talk a bit about ____(loved one). Losing them has been so hard for me, so I can imagine it’s been tough for you. The feelings we have when we lose someone we love can be so intense sometimes. I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. You can always come to me if you ever need to talk, cry, or vent. Is there anything else I can do to help you? Would you like to talk to someone outside of our family about this?”
Ready to elevate your parenting? Become a member of the BLOOM family today!
Gain access to workshops, coaching, and a network of supportive parents. Don’t navigate this journey alone –
How to Start Talking About Anxiety
*This section was written by BLOOM’S expert, Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
Remember, everyone experiences anxiety differently. Some teens may be open to talking about their anxiety, while others may not. If your teen is not ready to talk, be patient and let them know that you are there for them when they are ready.
How to start your conversation:
- “I noticed that you’ve been feeling sad and a little withdrawn recently. Is there anything going on that’s making you feel that way?”
- “I noticed that you’ve been getting angry more easily lately. I really would like to understand what’s going on. Will you tell me more about what’s happening?”
- “You seem really stressed these days. Are you okay? I’m right here if you ever want to talk.”
- “You know, it’s normal to feel stressed/irritable/sad/tired at times, but if you end up feeling that way all the time then it would be a good thing for us to talk about it. Things don’t have to be this way and there are ways for you to feel better.”
- “I noticed that you seem a little depressed/sad/tired lately. Is that how you feel at the moment? Would you like to talk about it? or I want you to know I’m here for you if you need to talk.”
Read more about anxiety in teens, and how to support your teen with anxiety.
How to Start Talking About Stress
*This section was written by BLOOM’S expert, Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
Talking to your teen about their stress can be difficult, but it’s important to create a safe space where they can feel comfortable talking to you about what’s on their mind. Here are a few tips on how to start the conversation:
- “There are many pressures on young people today that can affect your health. Let’s discuss what you are doing to handle stress and identify tools you can use to cope.”
- “What are the things you consider the most stressful in your life right now? What are you currently doing to manage your stress?”
How to Start Talking About Self-Esteem & Body Image
*This section was written by BLOOM’s expert, Jen Bell
It is important to teach your teen about positive self-talk, acknowledging their efforts vs. performing tasks perfectly, and self-acceptance.
- “Are there any new activities you would like to try but are hesitant to do so? If so, let’s set some small, measurable goals that will allow you to achieve them.”
- “I see you enjoy soccer, but don’t want to join a team. Can you give me your top fears about joining?”
- “You are a very valuable member of this family. Can you tell me some things about you that make you valuable?”
- “What are some things you do that make you feel purposeful?”
- “What are some things you like about yourself or things you feel you are good at?”
- Teach about the effects media can have on self-esteem. Films, TV, magazines, and social media like Tik Tok and Instagram have distorted how many of us view our bodies and ourselves. “Can you spot any examples on social media that give a distorted sense of reality?”
- “What do you think other people would say about you if they had to describe you?”
- “What are you most proud of?”
Read more about how to help your teens build their self esteem.
How to Start Talking About Eating Disorders
*This section was written by BLOOM’S expert, Violaine Guéritault, Ph.D.
Before you start a conversation with your teen, remember to keep your voice gentle, calm, and reassuring when you talk to them. Try using “I” statements in your conversation starters in order to communicate your concerns, while avoiding blame or judgment. This could cause your teen to become defensive and unwilling to talk to you.
- “I feel like something is bothering you, would you like to talk about it?”
- “I noticed you haven’t eaten much at dinner lately. Is everything okay?”
- “I am feeling concerned and worried about you and I am not sure what to do.”
Learn more about eating disorders in teens.
Parenting can leave you feeling overwhelmed and alone, but at BLOOM you have a community ready to help. Access Live and On-Demand Workshops featuring our trusted experts. Get answers to your pressing questions through our Ask the Expert Platform. Find strength by joining our Community Group and connecting with fellow parents and caregivers. If you need more tailored support, take advantage of our 1-on-1 Parent Coaching Sessions. Raising tweens and teens is hard, but with BLOOM by your side, you don’t have to do it alone.
