{"id":22259,"date":"2023-06-07T16:52:14","date_gmt":"2023-06-07T16:52:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/?p=22259"},"modified":"2023-06-27T16:31:51","modified_gmt":"2023-06-27T16:31:51","slug":"how-to-talk-to-teens-about-attraction-intimacy-pleasure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/how-to-talk-to-teens-about-attraction-intimacy-pleasure\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk to Your Teen About Attraction, Intimacy, &amp; Pleasure"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes, as caregivers, we think that the discussions we have with our tweens and teens around sex must focus on pregnancy and STI prevention. Yet, the reality is that we need to prepare them to have healthy relationships in which they make decisions based on their own needs and wants, communicate effectively with a romantic and\/or sexual partner, and consider the variety of aspects within these relationships.<\/p><p>Therefore, the conversations we have with our young people need to include the different types of attraction and intimacy, as well as ensuring personal pleasure is supported and experienced.<\/p><h2 id=\"talking-about-attraction\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Talking About Attraction<\/h2><p>People can experience a variety of attractions over their lifetime. And some people may not ever experience a specific type of attraction. All of these situations are okay. We all need to embrace who we are and follow our own paths.<\/p><p>To help begin your talks on attraction, consider these conversation starters:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cWhat type(s) of attraction do you think you have with your closest friend(s)?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cYou can experience attraction to all genders. This is normal as attraction does not mean you want to be intimate with all those you are attracted to. What are some characteristics that attract you to someone else?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cIf a friend asked you which type of attraction is your favorite, what would you answer?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cWhat types of attraction might a person have to choose to have sex with a partner?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1160\" height=\"387\" src=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-1160x387.webp\" alt=\"teen friends having fun concept of friendship\" class=\"wp-image-22512\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-1160x387.webp 1160w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-800x267.webp 800w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-320x107.webp 320w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-1536x512.webp 1536w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-120x40.webp 120w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-90x30.webp 90w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-560x187.webp 560w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy-600x200.webp 600w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/06\/teen-friends-having-fun-concept-of-female-friends-2021-08-28-09-23-02-utc-copy.webp 1800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1160px) 100vw, 1160px\" \/><\/figure><p>After noting the type(s) of attraction your teen may feel towards another person, ask them what level of intimacy they are hoping to engage in. Talk about how important it is to remember that before acting on any of these attractions, you need to ensure the other person also wants to move forward in any intimate behaviors.<\/p><h2 id=\"talking-about-intimacy-with-your-teen\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Talking About Intimacy With Your Teen<\/h2><p>As many of us know, an act of sex can include one form of intimacy (physical) or many forms of intimacy. And, depending upon the person, one form may lead to another form, or<em> <\/em>only one form of intimacy will be experienced between two people.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p>It is for this reason that we need to talk with our young people about the importance of talking with a romantic and\/or sexual partner <strong>before<\/strong><em> <\/em>doing something to make sure both people are feeling the same way, are comfortable, and have similar expectations. By having these honest talks, your teen and their choices <strong>are more likely<\/strong> to be<em> <\/em>supported within romantic and\/or sexual relationships.<\/p><p>To help begin your talks on intimacy, consider these conversation starters:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cWhat type(s) of intimacy is most important to you in your everyday relationships?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cWhen you see romantic couples in a movie\/TV show, what types of intimacy seems the most important to them?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre there certain aspects of intimacy you find important to have in a sexual relationship?\u201d<\/li><\/ul><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1160\" height=\"387\" src=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-1160x387.webp\" alt=\"family, mother and teen girl, daughter sitting on couch talking\" class=\"wp-image-22434\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-1160x387.webp 1160w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-800x267.webp 800w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-320x107.webp 320w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-1536x512.webp 1536w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-120x40.webp 120w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-90x30.webp 90w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-560x187.webp 560w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy-600x200.webp 600w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/03\/happy-family-mother-and-teen-girl-daughter-sitting-2022-12-29-00-43-13-utc-copy.webp 1800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1160px) 100vw, 1160px\" \/><\/figure><h2 id=\"talking-about-pleasure-with-teens\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Talking About Pleasure With Teens<\/h2><p>To experience pleasure with another, both people in a romantic and\/or sexual relationship <strong>must freely agree to <\/strong>what they want to do and don\u2019t want to do with the other person <strong>and<\/strong> their partner needs to support these decisions. When this happens, the relationship will have a strong base for intimacy to get stronger.<\/p><p>&nbsp;To help begin your talks on pleasure, consider these conversation starters:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cHow healthy is a relationship if only one person in it is happy and feels pleasure from chosen activities?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cHow might relationships become unbalanced when one person\u2019s happiness and pleasure is emphasized over the other person\u2019s happiness and pleasure?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cHave you thought about when you might consider becoming more physically intimate in your life?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cHow would you describe pleasure in a healthy relationship?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cWhat types of pleasure are important for you to experience in a relationship (again, this does not have to be sexual)?\u201d<\/li><\/ul><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1160\" height=\"387\" src=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-1160x387.jpg\" alt=\"teen girl painting heart on wall\" class=\"wp-image-3567\" srcset=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-1160x387.jpg 1160w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-800x267.jpg 800w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-320x107.jpg 320w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-1536x512.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-120x40.jpg 120w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-90x30.jpg 90w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-560x187.jpg 560w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content-600x200.jpg 600w, https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2023\/02\/GirlPaintingHeart_content.jpg 1800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1160px) 100vw, 1160px\" \/><\/figure><h2 id=\"reminders-about-attraction-intimacy-and-pleasure\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Reminders About Attraction, Intimacy, and Pleasure<\/h2><p>To help your teen consider where they stand in current or future romantic and\/or sexual relationships, support your teen in:<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Reflecting on what type(s) of attraction they have or want to have with a potential partner.<\/li>\n\n<li>Talking with their potential partner to check if they are feeling the same way.<\/li>\n\n<li>Considering what type of attraction they are feeling.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>Considering if the type(s) of attraction is short-lived or possibly longer lasting.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul><p>Share the following questions with your teen to help them consider this longevity:&nbsp;<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cIf the attraction is short-lived, will you feel comfortable being intimate in a certain way?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cIf the attraction is longer-lasting, what types of intimacy do you hope for?\u201d<\/li><\/ul><p>Ask your teen these additional questions to help them figure out other aspects of healthy relationships:&nbsp;<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>\u201cDo you truly trust the other person?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre you able to honestly share your feelings and thoughts?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre your feelings and thoughts supported by the other person?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cDo both people agree to responsibilities within the relationship, including those relating to privacy, finances, and intimate behaviors?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre you going to do something because someone asked you to or are you doing something because it is pleasurable to you and the other person?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre you performing an act that you choose to do to express your feelings and without additional expectations?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cDo you speak up for yourself even though the \u2018mood in the moment\u2019 might be altered or the other person may end the relationship?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre you performing a sexual act out of your own choice and NOT to get the attention of another, feel \u2018liked,\u2019 or get a steady partner?\u201d<\/li>\n\n<li>\u201cAre you recognizing that an act of sex does not solidify a relationship?\u201d<\/li><\/ul><p>If <strong>all<\/strong> of their answers to these above questions are \u201cYES!,\u201d then continue talking with them on other <a href=\"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/how-to-talk-to-your-preteens-teens-about-sexual-health\/\">sexuality concepts<\/a>, including the physical intimacy of sexual acts.<\/p><p>If <strong>any or all<\/strong> of their answers to these above questions are \u201cNO,\u201d then consider going back over the affection, intimacy, and pleasure sections to support your teen in making the best decisions for themselves. <strong>Note: <\/strong>If your preteen or teen hasn\u2019t experienced sexual attraction and is not interested in the physical intimacy of sex, they are not alone. Some people do not experience these things until later in life (which is okay) and others don\u2019t experience these things at all (which is also okay). If they are in the latter of the two groups, they may be an asexual (or nonsexual) person who does not feel any desire to have sex and is not attracted to anyone, yet can still experience emotional love, respect, and pleasure within their relationships.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Talking to your teen about attraction, intimacy, and pleasure is important in preparing them for healthy relationships. Learn how to talk with them here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":207,"featured_media":22260,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[145,81,151],"tags":[],"powerkit_post_featured":[],"coauthors":[346],"class_list":{"0":"post-22259","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-conversation-starters","8":"category-sexual-health","9":"category-sexual-health-conversation-starters"},"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/207"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22259"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22259\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22260"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22259"},{"taxonomy":"powerkit_post_featured","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/powerkit_post_featured?post=22259"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloomforall.com\/parent\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=22259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}